Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?
- George Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life
Because no matter what we're going through, it really is a wonderful life...
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Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Dec 23, 2010
It's a Wonderful Life
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
christmas,
grateful,
its a wonderful life,
jimmy stewart,
kindness,
love
Because no matter what we're going through, it really is a wonderful life...
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First of all, forgive the run-on sentences, poor grammar, and possible chaos in this blog.
I know I said I was off but after an ambulance ride (by the way, nowhere near as cool as the ambulance scene in "About A Boy") and seeing my 3 year-old in traction, being surrounded by paramedics - well, I figured perhaps I had another blog left in me. Let me just say to anyone who ever doubts it, never underestimate how lucky you are to have someone beside you. Single parenting is by far one of the most challenging adventures of my life thus far but moreso because my heart is bigger than I ever imaged and she fills most of it up. This perfectly wonderful little one who makes everything extraordinary --- and knows precisely how to make me need to do relaxation breathing in those less than patient times. But today after a very hard fall in the Toy Story Mania 3D line, it was one of those moments. You see, in trauma, I tend to become eerily calm. It's like spooky zen. I don't have much to say (odd for me), I smile, I politely ask questions, I hold my baby's hand, hold her close, I breathe, and I just stay, well, calm. That's not to be confused with tranquil because THAT is not at all what's happening inside. Inside I'm a knot. I'm churning and wincing, and near vomit but I hide it all with an acceptable smile and a very mellow tone. I hold my baby's hand, I tell her a story, I remind her how brave she is, and then, once the ER doc tells us she's ok and I can take her home. I breathe. A little. And then I call her dad (ex-husband) to pick us up because my car is still at Disneyland. Good thing he and I are friendly.
So we get home, I pack her things because as it turns out this week is one of two she will get with just her dad this year. So they come here while I finish packing up her things, she plays like nothing has happened. I remind her that she needs to slow down or we'll end up back at the ER which now, because there were no "pokes" (i.e., shots), she actually thinks is kind of cool. Great. Now I need a new threat. Shoot! Anyway, she runs around, plays drums on every surface, all the while I'm packing up her favorite blankey and favorite "friend" and picking out the DVD's she'll take with her to daddy's. And then she hugs me tight and says, "ok mom, put me down" and she kisses me, reluctantly because in her mind, a week is 2 days, and off they go. Door closes. Churning increases, worry rears it's ugly head, and bottom lip starts quivering. Before you know it, I'm in fetal position on the bed sobbing because the thought of anything horrible or harmful happening to my little world *my child* is unbearable. Unbearable!
And then while I'm crying I realize my house is quiet. I can't call my family because they're pissed I didn't call 20 of them while in the ER, mad because a pic posted on Facebook, which in hindsight was probably stupid, but still. The realization that my family prefers to react in agitation or pointing out I didn't do something the "right" way sets in. Inside I'd like to tell them to piss off. But I just hit ignore and send a text saying, "maybe you can realize this wasn't about you and perhaps try a little something called understanding". This is when I realize how much it sucks to not have my mom. Granted she's been dead 20 years but sometimes, I think she was the only person blood related that understood me at all. Such is the life of a creative and intellectual person I think. Not to say they, my family, aren't smart, because they are, but they certainly aren't liberal in thought. In fact, and yes, here's where it explains some of my religious annoyance - my entire family (ok, wait, except Kev, you're in your own special sub-category) are right wing Christian Republicans and all of us have the issue of needing to be in control. (I know) However, we never agree agree on religion or politics and the scope of which we can talk about things is ever shrinking. Thankfully we talk of our children (and I am in love with my nieces and nephews) but in these moments, I'm not so sure we'll ever see eye to eye. Now let me clarify that I love my family and they have been there for me many times but last night I didn't need what happened. Of all nights, it just wasn't the night. I have to also say that while I complain about their views because to me, they are a little narrow minded, they have good hearts and I know they mean well, it just doesn't always turn out well.
Anyway, my day was a little chaotic. Started out great, had a pretty intense drop, and now tomorrow I'm supposed to leave town to work on the one thing that will give us a better life, more opportunity, and give me some peace. I really need some peace. This is probably the most personal blog I'll post on here but sadly at this moment, it's easier talking to a blank blog post than those closest to me (family-wise I mean). I'm a big believer that we all screw up from time to time but today - today was NOT the day to vent to me about your issue with how I handled things. Because as a mom, I hate to say it, the only person that I HAVE to focus on and be concerned about is 3. And she's my baby and everyone else, like it or not, is secondary. It doesn't mean I don't care it just means you're not my first priority - or even my fifth. So, there it is. Do not make something that is happening within my little unit about you.
Ok. So now I wait as my little love sleeps at her dad's. I wait for the "check-in" texts to be sure that my baby has no signs of concussion or hematoma. No vomiting. No listlessness. No - anything on the 50 page handout they gave about things to do in the event of a head injury. And I cry here and there because that image of her in traction on a stiff blue board is haunting. Perhaps I should have prefaced this all with saying I am the ultimate mama bear. I will do anything for my little love. Anything. And yet this week, she's not with me and I have to trust her dad to take good care of her. When she's with me 80% of the time, that 20% is awfully quiet. And so I pack. Reluctantly. In hopes I can go on this trip. Because honestly, I feel like my limbs are cut off right now. A place to sit and think and write and be free sounds like heaven.
So that's the summation of my day and brief glimpse into my family tree (that appears to have some sort of strange bacteria festering on its branches). And now I go back to packing. Sadly I don't even know what I'm putting in the suitcase and yet somehow it's getting fuller. Amazing. Yes. I'm finally done. Off I go.
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“I believe in Michaelangelo, Velasquez, and Rembrandt; in the might of design, the mystery of color, the redemption of all things by BEAUTY everlasting, and the message of ART that has made these hands blessed. Amen. Amen.”
- George Bernard Shaw
The beauty he speaks of only dwells in art. And artists.
You know when you wake up and you realize, holy shit! I got a second chance! I can breathe, I can open up the valves of my heart, the content of my brain, the fare within my soul and it will NOT be unappreciated. Well, I do. At least this morning. I don’t know how it happens that we all get lost in the chaos of life and the past, which, let’s face it - haunts most of us, but somehow there is redemption. But only if (and no, I’m not about to talk about god. Mainly because, well, I’m just not) if you’re willing to confront your demons and right wrongs and swallow your pride and willingly remove the foot from your mouth, an entirely enveloping world of beauty presents itself. I have been doing precisely that. Some people were hurt in the process but I was a huge red flag from the get-go. My heart cannot be swayed. It knows where it’s home is. There is a saying, “there is no greater sacrifice than love”. At least I think that’s what it was.
I also woke up this morning with this new excitement to finish this damn screenplay. I say damn, but in truth getting to write my first feature - AND it happens to be a passion project - is pretty damn great. (Damn. Again with that word. Still, better than others - though if I’m going to be honest my favorite curse word begins with f and ends with k. And I digress.) So back to the newfound excitement. My Christmas gift to myself is a completed 1st draft of my screenplay. I am at page 135 and while that sounds impressive, the daunting reality is I have to write another 75 and then cut it down to 150. Because aside from LOTR, most people will not sit through a movie longer than 2 and a half hours. My take, however, is at least you feel like your $12 or $50 (however much movie tickets are going to go for once it’s produced) was worth it. More bang for your buck so to speak.
Ok, so in addition to waking up all jovial and a true “woo” girl in the name of all things Barney Stinson, I also had an epiphany. What if - and go with me here - we just put all of the bigots, racists, narcissists (well, actually those guys are fun, we’ll keep them), pedophiles, gang members, murderers, and political morons on an island? Then, we place cameras everywhere and we watch it all unravel. Or TiVo because really, it will most likely run at 8p and it’s more fun to watch later and fast forward through marketing schemes. (And because I would probably start believing that the cows in California really do sing old Partridge Family tunes). Then, we see how quickly someone activates a nuke. I’m guessing it would certainly be shorter than the many seasons of LOST and hey, I’d totally watch. Down side, remnants of the nuke but it would be really far away and once the wildlife and sea creatures got wind of who occupied the island they’d flee faster than you can fu—- see? Already gone.
That’s all for now.
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Dec 6, 2010
empathy vs. apathy
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
acceptance,
Afghanistan,
anger,
apathy,
cancer,
Darfur,
Dawn Garcia,
Dr. Seuss,
empathy,
equal rights,
hate,
kindness,
love,
pediatric oncology,
women
“I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate-it’s apathy. It’s not giving a damn.” - Leo Buscaglia
We live in a world often clouded by self-consumption. We forget that somewhere women are not heard. Women in Afghanistan are setting themselves on fire to escape the pain of being silenced. In Darfur, people are barely surviving, dying at the hands of civil war and curable illness. Everywhere in the world, homosexuals are treated as outcasts. In North Korea, people are starving. In a hospital someone is taking their last breath. We walk by a stranger and never say hello. We never ask a server how their day is going. We never look at the homeless person and think “maybe they’re happier here”. We are so caught up. So consumed with assumptions.
In this world, we tend to wake up and never remember how fortunate we are to be taking a breath. It is so very simple. I once wrote a blog about accepting that we are all a beautiful mess. In that blog I had hoped to remind all of us that we are flawed and messy but it doesn’t mean we aren’t of value. However, it doesn’t hurt to realize in some way, most of us possess some beautiful characteristic. This season is very hard for a lot of people including myself. Not having a spouse or someone to share it with is not the easiest of things - but I do have a child. That is the wake up call I need every second of every day. I look at her and I see the future. I see that there is nothing but possibility. There cannot be such suffering in this world. It cannot be about me or you, it has to be about everyone. We are a collective unit - this world.
I recently wrote that I fear we have become too familiar with apathy. All of us. That beautiful notion of empathy seems so distant. Before I go on, I just want to clarify the actual definition of both:
Definition of APATHY (per Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
1
: lack of feeling or emotion : impassiveness
2
: lack of interest or concern : indifference
Definition of EMPATHY
1
: the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2
: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this
I talk to people every day who cannot relate to anyone else’s pain or suffering. It’s honestly disturbing. They crave attention for themselves and so everything is about them. We have all been there and have done it. BUT - how can you read a story about hate crimes or child predators or people dying in the name of justice and not feel that pang in your heart? How can you know children are dying of cancer and not feel like there’s got to be something you can do? I know a number of people who won’t do volunteer work because it’s not worth their time unless they get some sort of notoriety from it or get a tax write-off. “Giving” is not so you can tell people you “gave”. All that makes you is self-involved. Regardless. Sometimes we need the intention behind our actions to be noble.
I encourage all of you start practicing empathy. As simple as knowing someone is hurting from a breakup or the loss of someone they love or hearing a loved one is sick or passing. We get caught up in the drama of every day b.s. and that is precisely what it is: b.s.
When is the last time you did something for someone else WITHOUT expecting anything in return? Try it. You might actually begin to associate with Dr. Seuss’ Grinch when Cindy Lou-Who showed him some kindness and the Who’s down in Whoville sang even when all of the presents and Christmas goodies were gone. We all need a little bit of that kindness and goodness but moreso, we need to begin to treat others with that kind of decency and respect. So, here’s to your hearts growing TEN times its size! Here’s to us becoming empathetic again. Do something for someone to show you care, not because it’s your obligation.
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Perspective.
post by
dawn garcia
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Labels:
apology,
assume,
assumptions,
Dawn Garcia,
heartache,
human heart,
love,
obscurity,
pain,
retraction,
writer
“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” - Friedrich Nietzche
Writing from the heart often is the only way. However, often times --- your heart gets in the way of your head and you tend to say way too much. So let's call this blog a retraction of sorts. And an apology. Let's begin:
Hi everyone. So these last couple of months have been, well, a bit daunting. I have experienced more highs and lows than ever. I wrote a lot of blogs out of frustration and anger and well, out of hurt. Some of them have been really healing to write and some have just been a little too personal. While most of you had no idea who I was writing about, some of you do and I have to say I am sorry and I've been very wrong. Often times it is so much easier to look at the "faults" of others or talk about things we believe happened (again, this is going to touch on the notion of assumption) because we don't want to look within ourselves. Nothing is one-sided. Nothing. SO, I'm actually removing a few of those blogs because I shouldn't have posted them to begin with. They could be hurtful and I never want to be the one inflicting that. (Chalk that up to being a woman AND a writer.) Some, the ones that helped so many of you, I'll keep but here's the thing: when your heart is hurt and your emotions are raw, you tend to see things through very obscured eyes. Not fun.
So here is where I'm at now: I have learned SO much about life and love over these past 36 years. There is nothing more valuable than valuing yourself. There is also something to say about respect and treating everyone with it. I have made a lot of assumptions in my life and that, as my dad would remind me: To Assume makes an "ass out of U and me". There is some truth to that. Assuming (for a girl with a very elaborate imagination) can lead to great story-telling but can also lead to unnecessary hurt. And so today I just want to say I'm sorry. And hurt is something I never want to be responsible for. It doesn't mean it won't happen but this time, at this stage in my life, I'm focusing on me. I'm going to say I'm sorry and recognize when I have been wrong. I have been wrong on a number of occasions. I know - crazy! But yes, I can be wrong.
So, in the midst of being able to admit my faults, I'm focusing on my future, my baby's future and that is all I can do. In the end I will have all the clarity I need so that I can finally embrace the love I hope for and give the love I need.
So, in the midst of being able to admit my faults, I'm focusing on my future, my baby's future and that is all I can do. In the end I will have all the clarity I need so that I can finally embrace the love I hope for and give the love I need.
So that's all for now. I have SO much to write about but I'm juggling a lot today so this is all I have for now. Embrace your "beautiful mess" - its perfectly flawed and it's wonderful.
I will add that when you create, when you look deep within yourself, you know what matters most is being true to yourself. I have ignored that for a very long while and this time, I am going to be true to --- me.
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Nov 23, 2010
love. apology. being grateful. and other things.
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
Acceptance and beauty,
apology,
family,
friendship,
heartbreak,
holidays,
love,
motherhood,
sorry,
thanksgiving,
therapy,
truth,
understanding
Today I had a therapy session and I just dug right into the pain. It's remarkable how deep that pain is, how far back it goes. And yet the one thing that resonates is only relative by looking at relationships.I've made some mistakes, I've overreacted, said things I wish I could take back, but what I wish is that the context was taken into account. It always takes two people. It is never entirely one person's fault. I have the tendancy to look at my "mistakes" and take on all of the burden. Fortunately, that's just not the way things are. Everything is a result of two (obviously there are exceptions). What I've learned is when I sit there in therapy, I talk about everyone else. How I feel badly about others, how I reacted or who has gotten hurt and finally, today, the therapist said, "Stop. Are you hearing yourself? You are only able to talk about others. How you could have made it better, how you could have done things differently. But not once have you talked about yourself. How all of this affects you." I bursted out in tears. Why? Because it was true. I spend so much time worrying about how my actions might have affected or hurt another, I never stopped to realize no one was taking that kind of time on me. Almost no one. One person gets the free pass here and that person knows. (Thanks, Jonesy).
In my 36 years, rarely has anyone actually tried protecting me. Tried protecting my feelings. And so as a natural consequence, I stopped protecting my feelings too. I experience a huge fear of loss because too many people I've loved have died or gone away. I blame myself, which is ridiculous because someone dying or leaving isn't in my control. Granted, I've left people too, and I'm not proud of that. I'm not proud of the hurt that I may have caused and god, if I could do it over with the knowledge I'm finally attaining, things would be very different. But they aren't. I just have to find a way to love myself again. This last relationship I was in - the one I'm having trouble letting go of - I remember the last big fight. After which, the internal self talk or "negative cognition" sounded something like this: I'm not worth it. I'm not enough. I'm unloved. I'm not beautiful. To which, my therapist replied: Now, say the exact opposite because you are worth it. You are enough. You are loved. You are beautiful. Which, of course, resulted in more tears. And then we went straight into EMDR.
Yikes! Memories that flash before you, like, Wheel of Fortune (this is the example the therapist gives before starting light therapy). You watch a light, focus on a moment, a painful memory. Stop. Breathe in deeply, exhale deeply then you say the first thought that pops into your visual memory. It's amazing what comes out. Amazing. In the end, I felt better and then sad and then manageable and then happy and then angry and then hurt and then remorseful and then, then - a small amount of peace.
So while my heart has a long way to go before it starts to feel whole again, I am grateful for the life that led me to here. This place in life where the storm is harsh, the road seems beaten, but then I look at the face of my child and she is proof I have done something extraordinary and good and beautiful. I am grateful to be a mother. I am grateful that I have given children love and acceptance and have given joy to some children that never had any. I actually remembered this one little boy I used to work with in Sunday School (yes, Sunday School, when I was more "religious"). I worked with children ages 6-10 and for some reason I knew I could be the teacher and maternal figure many of them were lacking. I thought about Robert. Robert was 7 at the time. Robert had a lot of emotional and psychological issues that kept him from fully enjoying life. After an "episode" his father had to make the painful decision to admit him into a child psychiatric hospital. I could see the pain in his dad's eyes but I saw a moment of joy come back when I would come and visit Robert at the hospital. I would make pictures with him and read stories and just talk. Sometimes I think that's what I was meant to do. Reminded me also of Riley. Riley was a little boy who would not respond to tutors because he had Autism, ticks, ADHD and ADD. I asked to give it a shot. I found that all Riley needed was some love and a little "silly". I bought him a copy of "Where the Sidewalk Ends" and sat there and read the poetry with him one tutoring session. His mom, Jan, was elated. It was the first time in her son's 8 years that he actually showed a focused interest in reading. Riley was a genius. As was Robert. Robert put his first computer together at the age of 3. Sometimes when one faculty is taken away, another one is given in its stead.
I am grateful for the gifts I've been given. I am grateful to be a mother. I am grateful I believed in you when you lost your house. I'm grateful I believed in you when you told me of your loss. I am grateful you took care of me when I couldn't. I am grateful I didn't give up. I am grateful I won't lose hope. I am grateful for the party I threw at the Tiki Room (PDC). I am grateful I needed Skin Medica (Bestie). I am grateful for Calvary (Tanta). I a grateful for FB (Jess). I am grateful you looked through your window. I am grateful to have forgotten one last box. I am grateful you told me of your struggles. I am grateful for being strong. I am hoping to be a better friend. I am hoping to believe in love. I am hoping to be the best example of loving, because my baby deserves that. It takes a lot to admit you've been wrong, but it takes even more to recognize the beauty within yourself. I'm not pointless. Neither are you. Neither are any of us. But if we don't stop beating ourselves up and start healing what we can heal, it doesn't matter. I'm not without hope. I believe I'm worth a second chance. I believe I'm NOT worth losing faith in. That's not easy to say. To those of you who continue to see past the mistakes and love me anyway, I am SO grateful for you. You are extraordinary and in case I don't say it enough, you are my gifts. Harold, Yvette, Linnea, Trista, Shana, Lakeia, Jesse, Anthony, Karsten, Mr. Jones, Mayumi, Tama, Maxime, David, Liz, LoLo --- thank you for the continual love, encouragement, and reminder that I've done a lot of "right" in my life. You are shining examples of that.
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Nov 21, 2010
broken and rebuildling.
post by
dawn garcia
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Labels:
broken,
counseling,
divorce,
healing,
honesty,
hurt,
love,
marriage,
pain,
rebuilding,
relationships,
restoration,
therapy,
truth
I write about love and hope and dreams and I write those things with conviction. I also write about all of my faults and my regrets which are in plenty. I have spent the last 10 years of my life slowly losing parts of myself and am only now learning to reclaim them. I was married and while it was to a wonderful man, neither one of us were truly being ourselves and so in the end, we got divorced. The hardest part is that we have a beautiful little girl and so the damage was not forgone. And then I fell madly in love. I began a relationship with someone I had known for 8 years (7 at the time). In the beginning it was so beautiful but eventually, as happens when you go through a divorce and try to love, the pieces begin falling apart.
I lost everything about who I was. Over this last year I have literally been in an emotional war. The failure of marriage is why they say --- every expert, everyone who has gone through it --- that you should wait a year before dating. I didn't. Instead I got involved with someone and we had exceptionally beautiful moments but when we fought, we fought horribly. We both got together at quite possibly the worst time in our lives. It didn't bring us closer together, it just ripped up apart. I knew better but my heart wouldn't listen. And so now, now all that is left are remnants of war. Every single wound exposed or patched together with shotty materials and there is nothing left but a shell of a person. My heart. My heart wants to love so much but can't anymore. Not really. The hurt I have goes way deeper than just a breakup. Everything I believed in about love, about myself, was shattered.
So now I'm taking the steps to heal. I started going to therapy and while some will cringe at the thought, it's been the hardest thing I have ever done. I found therapists that actually found a way to open up my soul and let every hurtful and painful thing seep to the surface. It's haunting, honestly. But I'm completely fragile. I feel lost and everything we discuss tears into me a little deeper each time. And so the past month has been a cry-fest. I realize this might seem odd or uncomfortable for some of you but I have. At night, I think about my previous relationship, I think about why I loved him so much and why we were so unwilling to fix ourselves first. So here I am. I have someone that loves me and I can't even allow anything to happen because no matter what I do, no matter what I tell myself, my heart is still with S. It doesn't make for a very uplifting tale, I agree, but the honest to god truth is I've never experienced more pain than this. I also can't make my heart do what it doesn't want.
And so I'm stepping back from everything. I'm not ready. I can't handle even a tiny disappointment because it only cuts into me like someone took a medieval dagger and began sawing through my chest. My last relationship was so unhealthy but it's not because it wasn't worth saving or wasn't real, it was because the two people in it were extremely unhealthy on their own and so there was no chance it could work until they both got healthy. Now there is no hope. Now it's just a painful chapter in my book. A love I will always hurt from. At least until my therapy works. I'm doing this therapy that allows my mind to start forgetting painful memories. I have memories from as early as 6 months old that I need to be erased. I say erased because the type of therapy I'm doing will allow painful memories to fade away indefinitely. I have learned that the road I've been on has been fraught with violence and death and cruelty and negligence and self doubt and as a result, it's not possible to be the woman I should be until I can take those painful memories away. And so I'm going to be "healthy". Now let's not get carried away and misunderstand what "healthy" actually means. It's about accepting and confronting the painful events of one's life and not letting them take you over. It's not about sanity. It's about healing.
I have made so many mistakes. This last year I became someone I didn't recognize. I was like a soldier coming back from war. My war was a lifetime of a culmination of things and it only just flashed back to me last August. And my emotional pain, my fears, my faults, all just rose to the surface. Maybe some of you know what I mean. But I can't erase my own actions. Can't erase the things I did wrong. That part is really painful. But I can say I wish I would have done things differently. I can say I'm sorry. And mean it. As in "I'm sorry, I will never do that again". No one gets here on their own. The pain isn't self-inflicted, it's a reaction to pain done to me (though I hate saying that because I don't like the idea of playing a "victim". I'm not a victim, just a product of things others found necessary to do to cause pain and harm) and so my mechanism is I put on my armor and I defend myself. As my therapist said, I am very resilient. I'm great in survival mode --- but no can survive in survival mode all of the time.
And so I sit here in the rain and have yet another good cry and I miss who I miss and know what my heart wants and doesn't want. I can't fathom disappointment or any more hurt. So the only recourse is to do precisely what I'm doing. Go "talk it out" and get back to simple. Just do the basics: Raise and love and enjoy this perfectly wonderful little girl of mine and know we'll be okay if it is just the two of us forever (well until she's all grown up and has love, which I hope and pray for every day. I never want her to be alone or unloved or not loving. It's the only reason we're here on this earth). I will focus on work and my art because it's the one safe place I've got and I can be totally free. Know what is true and what is not. I have made tremendous mistakes but I am all too hard on myself. (Another lesson I've learned in therapy) And when you're hard on yourself, somehow, people pick up on that and they are all too happy to watch it happen. Sometimes they'll even contribute to it because it's a lot easier to blame someone else than to realize you too did a lot of bad things. This week I hope to forget more. I hope that the light therapy will begin to heal the wounded girl and bring back the strength and belief in myself I let seep through the cracks.
I may never repair the damage that has been done but at least I know I exhausted all possible resources and tried. I may not be able to accept love or give love for a long while and as much as that scares me, I have to accept it. Why? Because I'm not one to lie to myself. If I'm not honest with myself, who will be? I can't expect any of you to understand nor am I asking that of you. But as you know, I'm not a writer that hides behind fluffy words or cutesy expression. I'm real. That means I'm exposed and you may think I suck or I'm a whiner or I've got issues or maybe you see that I'm strong and I'm smart and I'm remarkably optimistic. I can't get to the better - second chance - part of my life until I repair the mounting damage so I will. I'm starting back at the bottom. My foundation is shaky at best, I have no idea what materials to use to rebuild but I'm sure they'll present themselves in time. So that's that.
Another blog: Writeslave. A Blog.
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Nov 12, 2010
VideoBlog #7 - Kill them with Kindness
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
abuse,
artists,
Dawn Garcia,
fashion,
film,
friendship,
honesty,
love,
Oscar Wilde,
power,
random acts of kindness,
relationships
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.~Herm Albright
I did another video blog and while the tone is fairly upbeat and optimistic, I just want to say - rather admit - that my eternal optimism is my core, but NOT because my life has been sunshine and roses. One day I will write about the things I have experienced. But I'm not there just yet. We are all exposed to something. 2 out of 3 women are sexually assaulted, some never have a chance to even speak; violence breaks out in countries that steals the innocence away from those who never saw it coming; people hurt with words; some with physical fury. But life doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't have to be so riddled with anguish. Don't assume you know what any one person has gone through. Practice empathy but don't use your "situation" to excuse you from being a poor excuse of a human being. Be reminded - realize how much suffering there is in this world. BUT also own the fact that you don't need to contribute to it. Do everything you can to make it beautiful again.
Blog
How many times has someone been ignored or misunderstood or put down by others who didn't take the time to know them? It happens all of the time. People judging people, listening to the toxicity spewed by someone else, or making assumptions without getting the facts. I look at my child and I think, "I hope she is never made to feel bad about who she is". I hope the world she lives in is without judgment but I know that's not possible. I've certainly judged people at one point or another, and made assumptions, but I'm not proud of that nor do I make it a habit. Some people do.
I am a writer, which, yes, I realize is pretty clear. But as a writer I have a tremendous responsibility. I also often sit back and observe as part of my "job". I have conversations and make assessments and watch body language. The fears, the insecurities, the ones who think they hold some secret power. The ones that do have power. I have watched as the world around me gets lost in self-obsession rather than striving for empathetic unity.
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Nov 9, 2010
52 Random Acts of Kindness
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
artists,
faith,
John Legend,
lifestyle,
love,
music,
open mind,
random acts of kindness,
relationships,
trust,
truth
"Writing is my form of expression. The way I stand up for injustice, speak my mind, vent about heartache or hurt, ponder the possibilities, protect what is valuable, question those who believe tearing down another is even remotely ok. Writing is my loudest voice and I have to make it count." - Dawn Garcia
Much like the magic jumping beans I bought for my baby this weekend, things in life are random. Sometimes we're bouncing all over the place in chaos and sometimes we're calm and able to focus. So aside from the random ramble you're about to read, remember to follow through to the end and commit to doing random acts of kindness for the next 52 days. Enjoy the ride...
I am a writer. Some people can't understand it. Some people would never do it. Some people don't even think it's a job. However some realize the vein-ripping that takes place in order for a writer to write. I don't write about nothing. I write about experiences, the core of my soul. Sometimes its senseless, sometimes I call someone out, sometimes I bleed out loud. Either way, I don't write because I'm bored. I write because it allows me to dig deep and pull out everything that looms within me. We live in a world full of privilege and chaos, degradation and the human potential. Everything is an opportunity to grow, to learn, to fight.
This weekend I went to escape life for a couple of days. I went far enough away. Far enough to laugh and be free and not worry about the peering eyes of others. It was lovely. It was lovely because I didn't pretend to be someone I'm not. I was real and raw and happy and grumpy and honest and tired and I talked about life. The world. About injustices. About living. In the process, the universe gave me a weird sort of sign. One I still can't quite make sense of. My suite was situated across from a stadium. All of a sudden, I opened the door to the balcony and I stood there listening. It was - of course - John Legend. Performing. Let me preface this with saying I bought a single ticket to see him back in September and I wanted to go alone.I wanted to "run in" to my ex. I knew he was going too. Instead we ended up (we, being my ex and me) going together. We went. It was not at all the beautiful evening it should have been. We had an argument about something trivial and I bottled up and I basically "left the building". Emotionally, anyway. We went to dinner and it was not fun. We ate in silence because my "hope" bit me. Again. I hadn't even noticed the parking lot signs that read things like "Get Out of Your Own Way". Back to the concert hall. I was already checked out and was so hesitant to give up my single seat. I handed my ticket to the girl with such reluctance. I should have just gone ahead and done what I knew I needed to - go alone. Instead we watched this concert in uncomfortable air and I felt like secretly my heart was flopping violently under his feet. It tends to seem worse when your emotions take hold. I longed to watch John Legend unobstructed and without pain. Alone. Like planned. And what happened? I got my second chance. Months later, here I am at this random and fun hotel and who is playing a concert across the street? Why of course, none other than Mr. John Legend. A chance to experience this music just sifting through the air and into my ears. And it was fun. And I was out there alone, on that balcony, so happy. The way I was supposed to do it originally. Two days later, John Legend is on the news. Speaking about social injustice, people not being valued. It was no mistake.
I saw him again today on CNN, John Legend. A piece about his goal to bring education - quality education - to under served communities, particularly African Americans. He uses his voice to speak loudly. To bring up topics some find taboo or politically incorrect. He's often ignored or put down by those who think he's just another celebrity speaking out of turn. And yet, I believe he is a well-spoken "celebrity" with a conscience. He's joined forces with Western Union to encourage others to do something kind. A celebrity with a voice worth hearing. Much like Matt Damon. My point is, I use my voice, and my goal is to become wealthy as a result. Why? Because if I can earn a very high standard of living by way of income, I can help those I know. I can pay someone's mortgage or help a village in Africa or help a family get back on their feet or pay for someone's education. There are countless things that can be done. In the process, I can encourage others who feel totally confined or oppressed to speak their mind. I don't mean just be a venting pool of verbal diarrhea though. Speak with intellect. Speak with purpose. Don't speak out of hate or anger, speak out of love and hope and conviction and respect.
I have a lot to do in this lifetime: A healthy, beautiful, phenomenal child I get to love and raise every day; A chance to figure out who I am and not be afraid to embrace the strength inside of me; Discover the past and why it has haunted me for so long; Let go of the one person that did more damage in one year than did the 35 years of trauma; Use my voice to do something of value - to expose injustice and bring awareness; Connect with artists and join together to bring more hope and beauty and truth and some sense of unity to a world that continues to hide beneath the sharp edges of hate and bigotry; Experience love in a way I didn't think was possible for me; Have a second chance to do things over.
I don't take for granted the things that come easily to me, like writing. I don't take for granted my fearlessness to go after what I want in life, because hearing "no" pales in comparison to what I've already experienced. I don't take for granted the truly extraordinary people that cross my paths, nor do I linger on those that are just "takers". I don't take for granted the beautiful artists I continue to meet who teach me how limitless subjectivity can be or how art and expression can and will heal this world. I don't take for granted the purpose of religion and the way it heals so many or offers solace in a world fraught with distraction, but I also don't believe any one is totally right: we are victims of circumstance and products of our environment, it's up to us how we utilize that. I don't take life's lessons for granted because I know now that I am always going to thrive when shoved into survival mode. I will make the best of a situation. I also don't take for granted the fear that has found it's way to me, because while I am not a person who is generally afraid, I have to confront the fears I have in order to find the tools that may help someone else push through theirs.
Life is important. Wasting yours being mean or bitter or critical without merit is a total waste of your time. So starting today, I would like to ask every single one of you to do a random act of kindness until the end of the year. Smile at someone. Leave a good tip. Tell someone you're sorry (and mean it). Vow to be a better partner. Vow to love. Love without judgment. Something. Go buy a cup of coffee for the person who answers your phones. Just make a choice to be kind and do something selfless every single day for the next 52 days.
And now for a little Legend...
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Nov 5, 2010
3 things. And a jam session.
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
Fitz and the Tantrums,
fun,
laughter,
lifestyle,
love,
lust,
music,
rock,
screenplays,
sensuality,
tequila,
vacation,
writing
Three things:
1) Follow the blog. And Follow me on Twitter (writeslave)
2) Sometimes you just need to get away and so, secret weekend getaway, I'm almost there. (And say it with me: "Sometimes, tequila and sunshine just seem right" --- my brain needs a regroup)
3) This one goes out to all the ladies --- and you fellas out there who need a little jam session:
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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is the way great spiritual giants are produced.” - Swami Vivekananda
120 pages are completed and 80 more to go. I then have to trash 50 and edit 150.
A labor of love. This adaptation has kept me on my toes, taught me about myself, reminded me of the world, and haunted me in a way that has forced me to realize what does and does not matter in this life.
While writing I have experienced some major "life events" and am learning a tremendous amount. Part of which was learning that the previous relationship I was in, I was in because I loved deeply and wholly. I managed to hang on to the small pockets of goodness or, as I have been educated, the "island love". The kind of love that, in isolation and away from the world, was beautiful but when it became real, rather than helpless, became too much to endure. I was beginning to feel regret about going back a final time but now understand that I went back because I saw glimpses of beauty, tenderness, wonderful love. Unfortunately, those glimpses were simply that and it would not ever be sustainable. While I had hoped for something different, a partnership of the ages, it just wasn't going to happen. My love affair paralleled that of Dorian and Sibyl (two characters in the adaptation). Beautiful and seemingly pure but tainted by illusion and a lack of information. I loved. It ended emotional and recklessly. But it ended. As will this screenplay - only the screenplay will bring life into an entirely new breed of love and vanity and longing and misconception. It's a tale that will remind all of us to be careful what we wish for...
I will not be posting at all this coming week while I finish this screenplay so for those of you that watch closely, thank you for following me, thank you for hearing the meaning behind the words, and for being incredibly supportive.
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Oct 23, 2010
Important things you should always say.
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
art,
beautiful,
believe,
breakup,
choice,
Dawn Garcia,
funny,
heartbreak,
hope,
inspirational,
international,
love,
motivational,
Politics,
religion,
trust,
universal
After watching this VideoBlog, I would like to encourage all of you to comment and give me your 4: I'm Sorry, I Believe, I Can, I Will.
(Please spread the word and share the blogs with anyone who might enjoy...)
Things I think are important to say:
Things I think are important to say:
1. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry I get emotional. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry that sometimes your behavior hurts me so deep I can barely breathe. Sorry I have forgotten how important really important things are. I'm sorry I have felt bad about who I am. I am sorry I allowed a lifetime of being tossed aside or feelings of neglect take on such a monstrous presence in my life. I'm sorry I get lost. I am sorry I forgot to remember that I'm imperfect and its ok. I'm sorry I didn't see the red flags and stop it before the damage was irreversible - on my side. Mostly on yours. I'm sorry I listened too much to what everyone else thought. Sorry I was verbally beaten down for being hopeful. Sorry that I forgot to hug my daughter one more time before bed. Sorry I don't like saying "no". Sorry I don't often say "no". Sorry I never got one last hug from my mom. Sorry I didn't tell that one "friend" they weren't acting much like a friend but a selfish, frigid, soulless person and sorry for not feeling better about walking away. Sorry for not being able to let love happen to me because I let too much hurt seep in from someone who knew better. Sorry I'm often wrong and too afraid to admit it. Sorry fear can be a stranglehold. Sorry you can't see the beauty in me. I'm sorry you cannot see the beauty in others. I'm sorry for not being honest about knowing I can't love you right now. Sorry because right now I have to re-learn how to love me. I'm sorry I haven't finished my screenplay. I'm sorry I wasn't a better wife. I'm sorry I wasn't a good girlfriend. I'm sorry you were a crappy boyfriend. I'm sorry you still haven't learned. I'm sorry I stole a pack of cigarettes when I was 16. I'm sorry you almost broke me. I'm sorry I miss my grandpa because he always knew how to make things seem better. I'm sorry so many people die of curable diseases. I'm sorry I cannot have any more children. I'm sorry I am always sorry. I am sorry I forgot to call back. I am sorry I forgot to say goodbye. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye. I'm sorry I broke up with you on a blog. I'm sorry you don't see that you have to "be together" to actually break up. I am sorry I have made so many poor choices. I am sorry I forgot to smell a flower today. I am sorry you won't swim naked. I am sorry you died. I am sorry you left. I am sorry I had to let you go. I am sorry I didn't let you go.
2. I believe.
- I believe anything is possible. I believe the world is better than it's allowing itself to be. I believe that life is not over just because I am heartbroken. I believe in chances. I believes in instinct. I believe in the way he kisses me. I believe in the way he looks at me now. I believe in the way I love her. I believe in the way I will give everything for her to have a better life than I have had. I believe it was not my fault I was abused. I believe it was not my fault he couldn't be a better dad. I believe it is ok to admit defeat. I believe it is beautiful to be fragile. I believe it is beautiful to have hope. I believe artists will save the world from itself. I believe music will make me write better. I believe I will win at least 2 Oscars. I believe I am beautiful. I believe I am strong. I believe you are a horrible human being. I believe that if you say you are selfish and then say you feel bad about someone else's situation and are suddenly grateful for yours, you should remember that every day when you think you're better than them. I believe you should volunteer. I believe you should not gossip. I believe you should trust your friends. I believe friends should be better friends. I believe you should believe what makes you happy. I believe in god. I don't believe I should capitalize that. I believe god is not male or female but something out there that reminds us to not be careless and instead be kind. I believe god is all of us. I believe god is none of us in that it is not religion. I believe god is science. I believe god is a child's smile. I believe god is the hawk that just flew by. I believe hate is war. I believe hate is prejudice. I believe you are foolish. I believe in friendship. I believe in love. I believe love is the answer to everything. I believe in my bestie. I believe in him. I believe in you. I believe in myself. I believe you lost your way. I believe your way is not the way you're heading. I believe in truth. I believe in honesty. I believe in emotion. I don't believe in frigidity. I do not believe in hiding behind your phony smile. I believe that you are insecure. I believe I am too. I believe in freedom. I believe in independence. I believe in being smart. I believe in wanting more. I believe in change. I believe in evolution. I believe in the evolution of you.
3. I can.
- I can smile. I can be happy. I can prevail. I can let you go. I can wear that dress. I can make you smile. I can make you laugh. I can make you cry. I can take you down. I can call you out. I can finish this screenplay. I can write. I can sing. I can remember. I can hold your hand. I can dream of you. I can do anything. I can breathe. I can meditate. I can pray. I can flip you off. I can text like a crazy woman. I can repeat the line: "she kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row". I can be sexy. I can be classy. I can kiss your ass. I can choose not to. I can complain. I can but why. I can tell you everything you're doing wrong. I can send it to you in a memo. I can also just cut you out of my life. I can cringe when I see you pretend you care. I can help you across the street. I can buy the row of men and women living on skidrow lunch. I can remember life is not Melrose Place. I can remind you of that as well. I can protest. I can speak my mind. I can protect you. I can tickle you. I can take apart a vacuum. I can laugh. I can weld. I can use a chopsaw. I can build a piece of furniture. I can paint. I can create. I can recognize sadness within myself. I can recognize sadness in you. I can read people very well. I can and I don't. I can give you a second chance. I can also tell you to walk out the door, don't turn around now, cuz you're not welcome anymore. I can sneak a peek. I can be a beautiful mess. I can high-five you. I can contemplate. I can see right through you. I can appreciate. I can trust you. I can learn from my mistakes. I can help you pick out a Halloween costume. I can be your makeup artist. I can make you feel bad. I can NOT forgive you. I also can forgive you. I can read. I can pick a great piece of art out of a museum. I can enjoy wine. I can turn you down. I can make you want me. I can make you wish you had me. I can remind you what you have is amazing. I can show you how lucky you are. I can send you to see your family. I can love my family. I can disagree with family. I can disagree with you. I can feel guilt. I can feel remorse. I can feel pain. I can cry. I can reach out to you. I can help you heal. I can build a life. I can do things differently. I can let you in. I can push you out. I can soar. I can swim naked in the ocean. I can taste the rain. I can enjoy exquisite food. I can eat a hot dog off a cart. I can appreciate the world.
4. I will.
- I will move on. I will be ok. I will be a wonderful mother. I will be a wonderful wife. I will be a wonderful friend. I will disappoint you. I will hurt you. I will learn to trust you. I will learn to trust myself. I will sip wine on the coast of Positano. I will walk the streets of Europe. I will be madly in love. Forever. I will not be forgotten. I will make my words count. I will not waste my talent. I will make love to you in a crowded restaurant. I will sometimes say no. I will win those Oscars. I will win a Pulitzer. I will never forget who I've lost. I will never forget what I've lost. I will repair the damage. I will heal my heart. I will learn to understand the why. I will never let anyone hurt my baby. I will protect the ones I love. I will dance for no reason. I will scream at the top of a mountain. I will let the water touch my toes. I will let you ... I will remind you to be better. I will remind you that you are nothing. I will hold you accountable. I will hold myself accountable. I will read more. I will listen more. I will trust my gut more. I will be confident. I will win. I will lose. I will die. I will live. I will support you. I will not lie. I will lie if the fish dies - again. I will protect her innocence. I will believe in her dreams. I will believe in your dreams. I will believe in my dreams. I will live by the sea. I will make it happen. I will stop procrastinating. I will find my groove. I will --- survive. I will make references to silly disco songs. I will turn off the radio. I will discover new talent. I will grow. I will encourage. I will give her opportunity. I will not waste my own. I will submit to you. I will do so in private. I will speak my heart. I will not apologize for who I am. I will be ok with me. I will be ok with you. I will hear the meaning behind your words. I will call you a liar. I will hope you change. I will hope. I will finish. I will enjoy my sensuality. I will know who I am. I will know who you are. I will smile at a stranger. I will not let you poison the well. I will forget. I will --- will.
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Oct 13, 2010
joie de vivre
post by
dawn garcia
|
Labels:
Acceptance and beauty,
art,
courage,
fight,
film,
freedom,
girls,
guys,
heartbreak,
humor,
imagination,
joie de vivre,
laughter,
lifestyle,
love,
Politics,
religion,
truth,
words
Before you get too involved in this post - I am speaking my mind. Which means I am not keeping my heartache a secret. Sort of the way writers do things. They open up. They expose themselves and while some will hear the "he", I hope they actually have the know-how to realize this is about MY healing. Not about the person who played the part. He is a good man. We are simply a bad match. We are VERY different. Regardless of my venting, I am not speaking ill of him. He is a lovely person. The way we are together is bad, but that is the way we are TOGETHER. Not who he is on his own because he is a good friend (well, when we were friends) and a great entrepreneur and don't ever misunderstand my venting as anything else. This is the forum to speak my mind. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't be hurt. I did and I do and regardless of how careless we have both been, I am merely speaking about the hurt of a relationship that was bad. If you know "him" who will now only be referred to as Big Bird, try to remember this is not about him. This is about my journey as a person, a writer, a human being, a woman. I'm trying to figure my s*** out and if you have a hard time with that, I'm sorry. My relationship hurt my soul. Our differences are simply that. Again, have the "know-how" to understand that. I am a writer. Not a ballerina.
This was my Facebook status today. Why? Because I have realized that there were times in my life where I thought things happened "to" me and while certainly things do happen that you have no control over, nothing happens "to" you. It happens around you. There is no point playing the martyr or acting like you're the victim. That's the most ridiculous route to take but like everyone, I have definitely fallen into that. I almost did it this time. I allowed myself to get back into a relationship I had no business being in (primarily because I should have taken time to heal after my divorce, but it seemed like the right person and sometimes things happen) and rather than admitting it wasn't the right time, I gave into emotions and feelings and want and lost a friend of 8 years. A relationship that only ever should have been friendly. We crossed the line and forced something to "work" when the universe was giving us every sign to not go forward. We didn't listen. I didn't listen. I have never experienced anything quite like it in that the highs were high and the lows were SO low. We brought out the best and the worst in one another which led to catastrophe.
Personality wise, we were different. I've never had such a polarized difference with someone. Some things that were in common were absolutely wonderful, specifically our love of film and experience in that world. Our views on art were pretty similar and interesting. Our views on people, definitely different. My one "fault" (though I don't really see it as a fault) is that I tend to want to see the best in everyone. I look deeper to see their potential. That can be very frustrating when you see how good or capable someone is but know they will never take the steps to realize that. It also makes it hurt a lot deeper when they disappoint you or you find out they aren't the people you thought. That happens often but I choose to still see the beauty in people. I don't care if I'm disappointed because one day, my faith in their potential will give at least one person the courage to be their best. Big Bird was more of a realist. And when people hurt him, he cut them off and moves on rather than do what I do and get caught up in the emotional hurt of it. Right or wrong, that works for him. It's probably smart. Sometimes, this caused conflict. Between us. But everyone has to do what is best for them. I cannot argue with it or claim my way is better because my way works for me. For my personality. For my life. Big Bird's way works for him.
I suppose where we differed most is how we perceived what was respectful and what was not. We also BOTH made a tremendous amount of assumptions. Of which were all pretty much wrong. Hence why this particular relationship would always be doomed to fail. No matter how much we knew better, we listened to emotions. We also let others influence way too much in our situation. When you let everyone else get involved and state their opinions, you set yourself up for failure. Unless, of course, you have the uncanny ability to speak up for the other person and know that everyone else's opinion is simply that. I stopped listening after a while to others because until you're in the situation, you can't really judge the whole thing. His perspective was different. Not bad, just the way he chose. Either way, looking back it wasn't wrong, just the universe saying, "hey, time to let go" and so now, after the series of strange emotions and really having some reflection, I let go.
I want him to be happy. I want to be happy. But happiness is a choice, not some magical fairyland waiting for us to discover. I once made a choice during one of our "breakups" to just be happy and it was really extraordinary. Making that choice. So I'm back at it, though this time I've promised myself I won't forget about making that choice every day. This entire year and a half I had no business dating at all. (Even though I found glimpses of beauty in the midst) I had a lot of healing to do and I should have done it. BUT you stop listening to that voice inside. You start wanting everything you've been without. You start pretending someone else is capable of feeding that part of you. You convince yourself that they are "the one" when in truth, when you're that broken, that in need of healing, no one can be the one. It's a process of healing that needs to happen. I guess that's why this time it is easier to walk away. I've cried and I'm sure I will continue to cry. Mostly because my friend is gone. Mostly because I gave parts of my soul I had never given before. Mostly because while we were both often very good to one another, we were both absolutely horrible to each other as well. Both of us allowed so much to happen. Too much. We weren't emotionally mature enough to know space was the answer all along. Time. Time that would prove the theory we were not a match. We were always friends. Always better at that.
But hindsight's a bitch, isn't it? And so, that's the gist of it. A tale of love and friendship that ended abruptly and painfully and honestly, as it was bound to. The ending part anyway. I have been SO fortunate to know a lot of couples, married and otherwise, that are happy. They aren't perfect but they commit to making it work even when it's really difficult. Why? Because that's what being in a relationship is supposed to be. BUT we are HUMAN. We vary in emotion. Right or wrong, we've all said stuff we shouldn't have. BUT these couples, these wonderful and beautiful friends and family of mine, show me the example of how much love can conquer everything. No one should ever push you to such a place you feel completely attacked. THAT is not the right relationship and that's where we were. A place I will never go back to. He and I pushed each other's buttons in the worse possible way. We knew it was happening but we failed to stop it. It's the simple dynamics between two people. Love is and will always be beautiful but if you don't push through the hardest times and really learn to trust and respect one another, it will never - EVER - work.
So now I want to say that the people I know who are like me: creative, feisty, hard-headed, stubborn, defensive --- well, there is someone out there that will love us for that. Be willing to evolve though. Be willing to face your faults. Be willing to see the simple joy in everything. In spite of yourself. I know people who are like that. I know artist's who, because of the natural tendency to do so, forget that beauty is all we are, the sole reason we create, and we remind one another to hang on to that at any cost. I know friends that are loved BECAUSE of that. I have seen the "fighting", but not the horrid and mean, berating fighting. Fighting for love. Fighting even if the person was with someone else. Love never gives up. It just doesn't. And in the end, love prevails. So the point in all of this is make a choice to be happy. Don't wait on someone else to give that to you. Don't count on their sunshine to transfer to you. If you make the choice to be happy, you WILL be happy and then all of that goodness will attract more goodness. I have seen it, I know it to be true, and I know it's real. He and I are not bad people, just the wrong people for one another. Together we were like fire and ice. Hot and cold and the two temperatures never made it to "warm".
For the sheer joy of living...
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A writer doesn't write to spew out a bunch of words. A writer cuts open their veins and lets the blood drip as we type. We expose the only thing we have. Everything.
- Dawn Garcia
"The Big C"
I watch that new Showtime show, "The Big C" and for anyone who hasn't watched it, please do so immediately. Not only is it a superb cast and incredibly well written, the premise is profound. Often times we wait to live. We wait for things to be perfect, for everything to be just right, to have enough money, to have the right car, to have the right job, etc. The thing is, we do that with the promise that tomorrow we're going to wake up and have another day. A fresh start. A do-over if you will. But what if we don't? What if you find out you're terminal and have a year and half to live? What if you're a parent and you know you won't get to be there to see your children grow up? To fall in love. To hold them when they have their first heartbreak. What if you never have a chance to say I love you or I'm sorry? What if you never have a chance to make love on a beach. Or laugh for no reason? Enjoy the moments you do have and get rid of the ones that aren't good or healthy for you. Everything in life is a choice. Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes we don't but what's more important is how to react to the choices we make. Don't you want to start living life the way you hope is amazing?
- Dawn Garcia
"The Big C"
I watch that new Showtime show, "The Big C" and for anyone who hasn't watched it, please do so immediately. Not only is it a superb cast and incredibly well written, the premise is profound. Often times we wait to live. We wait for things to be perfect, for everything to be just right, to have enough money, to have the right car, to have the right job, etc. The thing is, we do that with the promise that tomorrow we're going to wake up and have another day. A fresh start. A do-over if you will. But what if we don't? What if you find out you're terminal and have a year and half to live? What if you're a parent and you know you won't get to be there to see your children grow up? To fall in love. To hold them when they have their first heartbreak. What if you never have a chance to say I love you or I'm sorry? What if you never have a chance to make love on a beach. Or laugh for no reason? Enjoy the moments you do have and get rid of the ones that aren't good or healthy for you. Everything in life is a choice. Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes we don't but what's more important is how to react to the choices we make. Don't you want to start living life the way you hope is amazing?
What are you going to do?
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