Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Nov 11, 2010

the film world is an exceptional one.

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Life is so filled with adversity. We chase our tails. We search for what's real, what is tangible, what isn't lost in the realm of chaos and possibility. The thing is, we've all been kicked in the gut. We've all had rude awakenings. We've all had to reassess our own lives. I find it utterly intriguing to get sucked into the vortex of "acceptability" only to realize there's no real need. When you start working in the world of Entertainment - correction: in the Film, TV, and Fashion industries, you are taught one very valuable lesson. That lesson? NEVER stray too far from your circle of trusted people. Why? Because as you climb the ladder, you encounter more "crazy". More "takers". More people that just want to utilize your "connections". That's the real beauty of everything in life, isn't it? It is a very secret world: film. A world I am so happy in. A little family for 3 months that allows you to get lost in your own imagination. A family that understands the world you envision. A world that is plentiful in art and creativity, a world that exists for those who have the ability to call "bullshit" before it even enters the room. It's a gift. But I appreciate other artists. I appreciate those who are following their dreams. The ones who can see past the confining world around them and dare to dream. Dare to risk it all for a chance at something spectacular...

I have spent the last 16 years working with the very best in this Industry. I knew from the beginning I didn't want mediocre. I wanted "A" list or nothing. Why? Because what's the point in wasting your time with people you can't respect? Don't admire? Now let's be clear. "A" list is ideally the creme de la creme, but it is also the epitome of those who do not listen to the average bear say what is and what is not possible. The "A" lister is the dreamer among dreamers. The one that pushes through bankruptcy (Coppola), challenges creativity (Lucas), questions our existence (Spielberg), and dares to live in a beautiful world (Domingo). I'll never forget the 1st Academy event I went to. I met Pedro Almodóvar and I was an instant fan. The film being nominated: Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. A film that captures the true fragility of a woman; the vulnerability of a human being. It was one of those movies that allowed you to explore the realm of human emotion. He was gracious and kind and really endearing and in the end, my motivation was realized. If we have the fortunate opportunity to work in the Entertainment industry, we cannot waste our voice. We also cannot allow toxic people in. It's a very odd journey but one, as I have found out, allows you to realize your passions, expand on your dreams, and speak your mind = loudly and without censorship. 

I have learned a lot. This business has taught me a lot. Beware of what is not real and envelop what is. I have a track history with the "real" and the truly artistic. It is a welcome part of my life. I am grateful but I also know if it wasn't for who I am, I would never have experienced such exquisite perfection. Listen, if you are creative - truly creative, embrace that. Don't allow the outside world to interfere with your process. They will always try. Darkness will always attempt to envelop your sunshine but just remember what matters. I work in the Film world because I understand it. It is creative and real and full of diversity. I am at home with diversity. 16 years is a long time. I am beyond grateful for all I've been fortunate enough to be exposed to and know that the world on the rise - the career that is about to catapult is truly a gift. In addition, I have found - or rather accepted - my very own Mr. Big. An idea of someone. The culmination of all good things if you will. Not one man, but an ideal version of one. Hence, the name: Mr. Big and not something like, Sam. Sometimes life, love, career, possibility, dreams, hope, the processing of good and bad - it just happens. I cannot fathom a world without it.

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Nov 9, 2010

52 Random Acts of Kindness

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,

"Writing is my form of expression. The way I stand up for injustice, speak my mind, vent about heartache or hurt, ponder the possibilities, protect what is valuable, question those who believe tearing down another is even remotely ok. Writing is my loudest voice and I have to make it count." - Dawn Garcia

Much like the magic jumping beans I bought for my baby this weekend, things in life are random. Sometimes we're bouncing all over the place in chaos and sometimes we're calm and able to focus. So aside from the random ramble you're about to read, remember to follow through to the end and commit to doing random acts of kindness for the next 52 days. Enjoy the ride...

I am a writer. Some people can't understand it. Some people would never do it. Some people don't even think it's a job. However some realize the vein-ripping that takes place in order for a writer to write. I don't write about nothing. I write about experiences, the core of my soul. Sometimes its senseless, sometimes I call someone out, sometimes I bleed out loud. Either way, I don't write because I'm bored. I write because it allows me to dig deep and pull out everything that looms within me. We live in a world full of privilege and chaos, degradation and the human potential. Everything is an opportunity to grow, to learn, to fight. 

This weekend I went to escape life for a couple of days. I went far enough away. Far enough to laugh and be free and not worry about the peering eyes of others. It was lovely. It was lovely because  I didn't pretend to be someone I'm not. I was real and raw and happy and grumpy and honest and tired and I talked about life. The world. About injustices. About living. In the process, the universe gave me a weird sort of sign. One I still can't quite make sense of. My suite was situated across from a stadium. All of a sudden, I opened the door to the balcony and I stood there listening. It was - of course - John Legend. Performing. Let me preface this with saying I bought a single ticket to see him back in September and I wanted to go alone.I wanted to "run in" to my ex. I knew he was going too. Instead we ended up (we, being my ex and me) going together. We went. It was not at all the beautiful evening it should have been. We had an argument about something trivial and I bottled up and I basically "left the building". Emotionally, anyway.  We went to dinner and it was not fun. We ate in silence because my "hope" bit me. Again. I hadn't even noticed the parking lot signs that read things like  "Get Out of Your Own Way". Back to the concert hall. I was already checked out and was so hesitant to give up my single seat. I handed my ticket to the girl with such reluctance. I should have just gone ahead and done what I knew I needed to - go alone. Instead we watched this concert in uncomfortable air and I felt like secretly my heart was flopping violently under his feet. It tends to seem worse when your emotions take hold. I longed to watch John Legend unobstructed and without pain. Alone. Like planned. And what happened? I got my second chance. Months later, here I am at this random and fun hotel and who is playing a concert across the street? Why of course, none other than Mr. John Legend. A chance to experience this music just sifting through the air and into my ears. And it was fun. And I was out there alone, on that balcony, so happy. The way I was supposed to do it originally. Two days later, John Legend is on the news. Speaking about social injustice, people not being valued. It was no mistake. 

I saw him again today on CNN, John Legend. A piece about his goal to bring education - quality education - to under served communities, particularly African Americans. He uses his voice to speak loudly. To bring up topics some find taboo or politically incorrect. He's often ignored or put down by those who think he's just another celebrity speaking out of turn. And yet, I believe he is a well-spoken "celebrity" with a conscience. He's joined forces with Western Union to encourage others to do something kind. A celebrity with a voice worth hearing. Much like Matt Damon. My point is, I use my voice, and my goal is to become wealthy as a result. Why? Because if I can earn a very high standard of living by way of income, I can help those I know. I can pay someone's mortgage or help a village in Africa or help a family get back on their feet or pay for someone's education. There are countless things that can be done. In the process, I can encourage others who feel totally confined or oppressed to speak their mind. I don't mean just be a venting pool of verbal diarrhea though. Speak with intellect. Speak with purpose. Don't speak out of hate or anger, speak out of love and hope and conviction and respect. 

I have a lot to do in this lifetime: A healthy, beautiful, phenomenal child I get to love and raise every day; A chance to figure out who I am and not be afraid to embrace the strength inside of me; Discover the past and why it has haunted me for so long; Let go of the one person that did more damage in one year than did the 35 years of trauma; Use my voice to do something of value - to expose injustice and bring awareness; Connect with artists and join together to bring more hope and beauty and truth and some sense of unity to a world that continues to hide beneath the sharp edges of hate and bigotry; Experience love in a way I didn't think was possible for me; Have a second chance to do things over. 

I don't take for granted the things that come easily to me, like writing. I don't take for granted my fearlessness to go after what I want in life, because hearing "no" pales in comparison to what I've already experienced. I don't take for granted the truly extraordinary people that cross my paths, nor do I linger on those that are just "takers". I don't take for granted the beautiful artists I continue to meet who teach me how limitless subjectivity can be or how art and expression can and will heal this world. I don't take for granted the purpose of religion and the way it heals so many or offers solace in a world fraught with distraction, but I also don't believe any one is totally right: we are victims of circumstance and products of our environment, it's up to us how we utilize that.  I don't take life's lessons for granted because I know now that I am always going to thrive when shoved into survival mode. I will make the best of a situation. I also don't take for granted the fear that has found it's way to me, because while I am not a person who is generally afraid, I have to confront the fears I have in order to find the tools that may help someone else push through theirs. 

Life is important. Wasting yours being mean or bitter or critical without merit is a total waste of your time. So starting today, I would like to ask every single one of you to do a random act of kindness until the end of the year. Smile at someone. Leave a good tip. Tell someone you're sorry (and mean it). Vow to be a better partner. Vow to love. Love without judgment. Something. Go buy a cup of coffee for the person who answers your phones. Just make a choice to be kind and do something selfless every single day for the next 52 days. 

I'd love to hear what you've done so please email me at info@dawngarcia.com with your random acts of kindness. 

And now for a little Legend...

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Nov 3, 2010

Seek truth, endure suffering.

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”


My PDC just sent this to me. It is absolutely essential to where I am at right now. I took a few hours off of writing to be a mom and before getting back to writing tonight, wanted to re-post this (for those keeping track, I'm at 150pgs). Just remember how important and powerful choice is. It can affect love, disdain, everything. Much like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", it is possible to erase a memory or at least change your emotional reaction to a situation or a trauma. I am going the Spotless Mind route: light therapy to erase, or rather shift, a recent relationship in order to move forward. One valuable lesson I'm learning is to be very careful who you befriend or allow in your life. When you're on the road to success, people will come in and try to knock you off course. Be stronger than that, stronger than them. In the end the real friends, the really valuable people in your life will be there and when you can't always spend time together, it never changes the core of your relationship. Real is real. Period. 

While this post is more Eastern Philosophy, it applies to success, to people, to art. All of my artist friends know exactly what this means. It seems in order to be a real artist, one must endure a tremendous amount of suffering. I always remember the torment Einstein endured. The fact that Walt Disney was fired twice for "lacking creativity and imagination". People, the people who cannot fathom you will do exactly what you dream, will try and tear you down and tell you "you can't". Who cares what they say! They are miserable, unhappy people who tear you down because they 1)lack imagination, 2) are too self-absorbed to imagine you'll do what they can never achieve, 3) live in a gossip, insane bubble that allows them to "try" and judge you, put you down because they clearly haven't the gull or intellect or will to do what you are doing. Nay-sayers exist for the sole purpose to prove them wrong. They are not the exception. YOU ARE. Artists, you know who you are, remember the things others have endured and you will know you are on the right path. The more people tell you, "you can't" the more you should know, "you will".  Jealousy rears its head at every turn. Mediocrity is not the artist's "M.O." - determination, endurance, and the mere knowledge that they will - and can - achieve something miraculous is why we do what we do in the first place.

The Four Noble Truths
1. Life means suffering.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

1. Life means suffering.
To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.
There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

For more on this: http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html

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Oct 23, 2010

Important things you should always say.

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

After watching this VideoBlog, I would like to encourage all of you to comment and give me your 4: I'm Sorry, I Believe, I Can, I Will.

(Please spread the word and share the blogs with anyone who might enjoy...)
Things I think are important to say:

1. I'm sorry. 
  • I'm sorry I get emotional. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry that sometimes your behavior hurts me so deep I can barely breathe. Sorry I have forgotten how important really important things are. I'm sorry I have felt bad about who I am. I am sorry I allowed a lifetime of being tossed aside or feelings of neglect take on such a monstrous presence in my life. I'm sorry I get lost. I am sorry I forgot to remember that I'm imperfect and its ok. I'm sorry I didn't see the red flags and stop it before the damage was irreversible - on my side. Mostly on yours. I'm sorry I listened too much to what everyone else thought. Sorry I was verbally beaten down for being hopeful. Sorry that I forgot to hug my daughter one more time before bed. Sorry I don't like saying "no". Sorry I don't often say "no". Sorry I never got one last hug from my mom. Sorry I didn't tell that one "friend" they weren't acting much like a friend but a selfish, frigid, soulless person and sorry for not feeling better about walking away. Sorry for not being able to let love happen to me because I let too much hurt seep in from someone who knew better. Sorry I'm often wrong and too afraid to admit it. Sorry fear can be a stranglehold. Sorry you can't see the beauty in me. I'm sorry you cannot see the beauty in others. I'm sorry for not being honest about knowing I can't love you right now. Sorry because right now I have to re-learn how to love me. I'm sorry I haven't finished my screenplay. I'm sorry I wasn't a better wife. I'm sorry I wasn't a good girlfriend. I'm sorry you were a crappy boyfriend. I'm sorry you still haven't learned. I'm sorry I stole a pack of cigarettes when I was 16. I'm sorry you almost broke me. I'm sorry I miss my grandpa because he always knew how to make things seem better. I'm sorry so many people die of curable diseases. I'm sorry I cannot have any more children. I'm sorry I am always sorry. I am sorry I forgot to call back. I am sorry I forgot to say goodbye. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye. I'm sorry I broke up with you on a blog. I'm sorry you don't see that you have to "be together" to actually break up. I am sorry I have made so many poor choices. I am sorry I forgot to smell a flower today. I am sorry you won't swim naked. I am sorry you died. I am sorry you left. I am sorry I had to let you go. I am sorry I didn't let you go. 
2. I believe. 
  • I believe anything is possible. I believe the world is better than it's allowing itself to be. I believe that life is not over just because I am heartbroken. I believe in chances. I believes in instinct. I believe in the way he kisses me. I believe in the way he looks at me now. I believe in the way I love her. I believe in the way I will give everything for her to have a better life than I have had. I believe it was not my fault I was abused. I believe it was not my fault he couldn't be a better dad. I believe it is ok to admit defeat. I believe it is beautiful to be fragile. I believe it is beautiful to have hope. I believe artists will save the world from itself. I believe music will make me write better. I believe I will win at least 2 Oscars. I believe I am beautiful. I believe I am strong. I believe you are a horrible human being. I believe that if you say you are selfish and then say you feel bad about someone else's situation and are suddenly grateful for yours, you should remember that every day when you think you're better than them. I believe you should volunteer. I believe you should not gossip. I believe you should trust your friends. I believe friends should be better friends. I believe you should believe what makes you happy. I believe in god. I don't believe I should capitalize that. I believe god is not male or female but something out there that reminds us to not be careless and instead be kind. I believe god is all of us. I believe god is none of us in that it is not religion. I believe god is science. I believe god is a child's smile. I believe god is the hawk that just flew by. I believe hate is war. I believe hate is prejudice. I believe you are foolish. I believe in friendship. I believe in love. I believe love is the answer to everything. I believe in my bestie. I believe in him. I believe in you. I believe in myself. I believe you lost your way. I believe your way is not the way you're heading. I believe in truth. I believe in honesty. I believe in emotion. I don't believe in frigidity. I do not believe in hiding behind your phony smile. I believe that you are insecure. I believe I am too. I believe in freedom. I believe in independence. I believe in being smart. I believe in wanting more. I believe in change. I believe in evolution. I believe in the evolution of you.
3. I can.
  • I can smile. I can be happy. I can prevail. I can let you go. I can wear that dress. I can make you smile. I can make you laugh. I can make you cry. I can take you down. I can call you out. I can finish this screenplay. I can write. I can sing. I can remember. I can hold your hand. I can dream of you. I can do anything. I can breathe. I can meditate. I can pray. I can flip you off. I can text like a crazy woman. I can repeat the line: "she kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row". I can be sexy. I can be classy. I can kiss your ass. I can choose not to. I can complain. I can but why. I can tell you everything you're doing wrong. I can send it to you in a memo. I can also just cut you out of my life. I can cringe when I see you pretend you care. I can help you across the street. I can buy the row of men and women living on skidrow lunch. I can remember life is not Melrose Place. I can remind you of that as well. I can protest. I can speak my mind. I can protect you. I can tickle you. I can take apart a vacuum. I can laugh. I can weld. I can use a chopsaw. I can build a piece of furniture. I can paint. I can create. I can recognize sadness within myself. I can recognize sadness in you. I can read people very well. I can and I don't. I can give you a second chance. I can also tell you to walk out the door, don't turn around now, cuz you're not welcome anymore. I can sneak a peek. I can be a beautiful mess. I can high-five you. I can contemplate. I can see right through you. I can appreciate. I can trust you. I can learn from my mistakes. I can help you pick out a Halloween costume. I can be your makeup artist. I can make you feel bad. I can NOT forgive you. I also can forgive you. I can read. I can pick a great piece of art out of a museum. I can enjoy wine. I can turn you down. I can make you want me. I can make you wish you had me. I can remind you what you have is amazing. I can show you how lucky you are. I can send you to see your family. I can love my family. I can disagree with family. I can disagree with you. I can feel guilt. I can feel remorse. I can feel pain. I can cry. I can reach out to you. I can help you heal. I can build a life. I can do things differently. I can let you in. I can push you out. I can soar. I can swim naked in the ocean. I can taste the rain. I can enjoy exquisite food. I can eat a hot dog off a cart. I can appreciate the world. 
4. I will. 
  • I will move on. I will be ok. I will be a wonderful mother. I will be a wonderful wife. I will be a wonderful friend. I will disappoint you. I will hurt you. I will learn to trust you. I will learn to trust myself. I will sip wine on the coast of Positano. I will walk the streets of Europe. I will be madly in love. Forever. I will not be forgotten. I will make my words count. I will not waste my talent. I will make love to you in a crowded restaurant. I will sometimes say no. I will win those Oscars. I will win a Pulitzer. I will never forget who I've lost. I will never forget what I've lost. I will repair the damage. I will heal my heart. I will learn to understand the why. I will never let anyone hurt my baby. I will protect the ones I love. I will dance for no reason. I will scream at the top of a mountain. I will let the water touch my toes. I will let you ... I will remind you to be better. I will remind you that you are nothing. I will hold you accountable. I will hold myself accountable. I will read more. I will listen more. I will trust my gut more. I will be confident. I will win. I will lose. I will die. I will live. I will support you. I will not lie. I will lie if the fish dies - again. I will protect her innocence. I will believe in her dreams. I will believe in your dreams. I will believe in my dreams. I will live by the sea. I will make it happen. I will stop procrastinating. I will find my groove. I will --- survive. I will make references to silly disco songs. I will turn off the radio. I will discover new talent. I will grow. I will encourage. I will give her opportunity. I will not waste my own. I will submit to you. I will do so in private. I will speak my heart. I will not apologize for who I am. I will be ok with me. I will be ok with you. I will hear the meaning behind your words. I will call you a liar. I will hope you change. I will hope. I will finish. I will enjoy my sensuality. I will know who I am. I will know who you are. I will smile at a stranger. I will not let you poison the well. I will forget. I will --- will.

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