Showing posts with label Dawn Garcia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dawn Garcia. Show all posts
Dec 6, 2010

empathy vs. apathy

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate-it’s apathy. It’s not giving a damn.” - Leo Buscaglia 

We live in a world often clouded by self-consumption. We forget that somewhere women are not heard. Women in Afghanistan are setting themselves on fire to escape the pain of being silenced. In Darfur, people are barely surviving, dying at the hands of civil war and curable illness. Everywhere in the world, homosexuals are treated as outcasts. In North Korea, people are starving. In a hospital someone is taking their last breath. We walk by a stranger and never say hello. We never ask a server how their day is going. We never look at the homeless person and think “maybe they’re happier here”. We are so caught up. So consumed with assumptions.

In this world, we tend to wake up and never remember how fortunate we are to be taking a breath. It is so very simple. I once wrote a blog about accepting that we are all a beautiful mess. In that blog I had hoped to remind all of us that we are flawed and messy but it doesn’t mean we aren’t of value. However, it doesn’t hurt to realize in some way, most of us possess some beautiful characteristic. This season is very hard for a lot of people including myself. Not having a spouse or someone to share it with is not the easiest of things - but I do have a child. That is the wake up call I need every second of every day. I look at her and I see the future. I see that there is nothing but possibility. There cannot be such suffering in this world. It cannot be about me or you, it has to be about everyone. We are a collective unit - this world.

I recently wrote that I fear we have become too familiar with apathy. All of us. That beautiful notion of empathy seems so distant. Before I go on, I just want to clarify the actual definition of both:

Definition of APATHY (per Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
1
: lack of feeling or emotion : impassiveness
2
: lack of interest or concern : indifference
Definition of EMPATHY
1
: the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2
: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

 I talk to people every day who cannot relate to anyone else’s pain or suffering. It’s honestly disturbing. They crave attention for themselves and so everything is about them. We have all been there and have done it. BUT - how can you read a story about hate crimes or child predators or people dying in the name of justice and not feel that pang in your heart? How can you know children are dying of cancer and not feel like there’s got to be something you can do? I know a number of people who won’t do volunteer work because it’s not worth their time unless they get some sort of notoriety from it or get a tax write-off. “Giving” is not so you can tell people you “gave”. All that makes you is self-involved. Regardless. Sometimes we need the intention behind our actions to be noble.

I encourage all of you start practicing empathy. As simple as knowing someone is hurting from a breakup or the loss of someone they love or hearing a loved one is sick or passing. We get caught up in the drama of every day b.s. and that is precisely what it is: b.s.

When is the last time you did something for someone else WITHOUT expecting anything in return? Try it. You might actually begin to associate with Dr. Seuss’ Grinch when Cindy Lou-Who showed him some kindness and the Who’s down in Whoville sang even when all of the presents and Christmas goodies were gone. We all need a little bit of that kindness and goodness but moreso, we need to begin to treat others with that kind of decency and respect. So, here’s to your hearts growing TEN times its size! Here’s to us becoming empathetic again. Do something for someone to show you care, not because it’s your obligation.

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Perspective.

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” - Friedrich Nietzche

Writing from the heart often is the only way. However, often times --- your heart gets in the way of your head and you tend to say way too much. So let's call this blog a retraction of sorts. And an apology. Let's begin:

Hi everyone. So these last couple of months have been, well, a bit daunting. I have experienced more highs and lows than ever. I wrote a lot of blogs out of frustration and anger and well, out of hurt. Some of them have been really healing to write and some have just been a little too personal. While most of you had no idea who I was writing about, some of you do and I have to say I am sorry and I've been very wrong. Often times it is so much easier to look at the "faults" of others or talk about things we believe happened (again, this is going to touch on the notion of assumption) because we don't want to look within ourselves. Nothing is one-sided. Nothing. SO, I'm actually removing a few of those blogs because I shouldn't have posted them to begin with. They could be hurtful and I never want to be the one inflicting that. (Chalk that up to being a woman AND a writer.) Some, the ones that helped so many of you, I'll keep but here's the thing: when your heart is hurt and your emotions are raw, you tend to see things through very obscured eyes. Not fun.

So here is where I'm at now: I have learned SO much about life and love over these past 36 years. There is nothing more valuable than valuing yourself. There is also something to say about respect and treating everyone with it. I have made a lot of assumptions in my life and that, as my dad would remind me: To Assume makes an "ass out of U and me".  There is some truth to that. Assuming (for a girl with a very elaborate imagination) can lead to great story-telling but can also lead to unnecessary hurt. And so today I just want to say I'm sorry. And hurt is something I never want to be responsible for. It doesn't mean it won't happen but this time, at this stage in my life, I'm focusing on me. I'm going to say I'm sorry and recognize when I have been wrong. I have been wrong on a number of occasions. I know - crazy! But yes, I can be wrong.

So, in the midst of being able to admit my faults, I'm focusing on my future, my baby's future and that is all I can do. In the end I will have all the clarity I need so that I can finally embrace the love I hope for and give the love I need. 

So that's all for now. I have SO much to write about but I'm juggling a lot today so this is all I have for now. Embrace your "beautiful mess" - its perfectly flawed and it's wonderful.

I will add that when you create, when you look deep within yourself, you know what matters most is being true to yourself. I have ignored that for a very long while and this time, I am going to be true to --- me.

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Nov 26, 2010

love and other drugs.

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

(This picture to the left is love. Raw, broken, funny, sweet, honest - but above all, perfectly flawed.)

The past is something that can haunt us if we let it. OR the past can be a lesson in incredible memories, great experiences, terrible choices, reminders of what we are and are not. My past has been something that has hung on to me with a very tight grip. It has enveloped me and has attached itself like a cancer and so I stopped - I mean this is why I'm going to therapy in the first place. And it's time to listen. Today I'm going to let it go. Delete emails, forget phone numbers, walk away. And any tie that is left will, in time, be let go. I have to focus only on the good and stop dwelling on things that I cannot change. There is a saying that recovering addicts say, I'm thinking it might work for those who allow the past to be a very dirty drug. Love can be a drug. It can be euphoric. It can be scary. It can stop your heart. It can be addicting. OR it can be healing. It can make you whole again. Here is the saying addicts recite:  

grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

And so, on to my blog:

Today was definitely a great day. An odd day. A day I realized my family can be really loud, but a great day nonetheless. My tear well finally dried up! The crying has stopped. Last night I was having another hard day. I was feeling sad and missing someone that I love but hasn't taken the time to really see me and maybe I kept seeing past him but I offered one final thread of hope and I realized the last step is to move forward. And so, I will. I realized that there is nothing left to hold on to. Nothing left to love. It was a relationship I learned a great deal from. One I made a gazillion mistakes in but also one that gave me glimpses of what I want and what I can offer. I have big things ahead of me. My baby has a lot to see and do and experience and I don't want to waste another minute being heartbroken and hurt over something there is no way I can change. So, I move on. anyway back to last night. I felt horrible last night. I went to see "Love & Other Drugs", which is one hell of a movie! Great story, incredible sex scenes and a message: when it is love, you never stop fighting. I fought so hard for an entire year. I went through hell but I fought. This time, I have tried everything. I offered the one last thing that could have maybe made sense of it all and in truth, I have no idea if that even resonated but I realized what I need is my friends. The real ones. The ones that seem to be there in the worst of moments, see me when I am not my best, deal with my attitude or an overreaction and they love me anyway. 

So last night, I hung out with one of my best friends. A friend I haven't known for very long - 7 months actually - but somehow this friend has been more patient and loving than anyone I've ever known and we're just ourselves. No pretense, no drama, no b.s. There are no false promises and when I'm pissed and annoyed or crying like a lunatic, that friend teaches me that it really doesn't matter how crappy you feel or act, a friend that loves and cares about you sticks around. That movie taught me almost the same thing. Granted I walked out of that theater so hurt and sad, I couldn't get to my car fast enough (where I sat in the front seat and cried so hard I couldn't breathe), but I heard the lesson. The guy, even if the girl is messy and imperfect, and pushes him away, doesn't walk away. He listens to his heart and he'd rather be with the girl that's a mess, and one day will be unrecognizable, and enjoy whatever time they have than be without her for one more second. That's my kind of man. So, I'm taking care of myself. I'm recognizing ALL of my faults, I'm learning about pieces of my past I honestly knew nothing about (which is scarier than I ever imagined) but I'm healing. I'm remembering memories like something as simple as him "pricing" a ring only to realize I was living in a world of "promises". Promises that never saw the light of day. So time to let go. Time to move forward. I've got one hell of a life ahead of me and there are things to conquer. I will heal. Slowly, painfully, patiently - but I'm healing. I'm patient and calm and am starting to understand how I operate; what my natural response is and why. In the course of the doing this it makes it all SO much easier! I get it!

So, my point is, today is a new day. I am so grateful to the past, to my once "heartbeat" because I learned a lot. And without this heartache and odd rebound or devastation, I wouldn't know how much was ahead of me. I wouldn't have taken the steps to heal. So, S, I am grateful to you. I am grateful for all you have taught me. I am grateful for the time we shared, good and bad, but now I've gotta break free. My heart will eventually follow suit. I can't hang on to the past nor do I want to. I've got to focus on what's coming. I made a huge breakthrough with my screenplay this week and that will take on the life it needs to in order to be done. The "line" I will be launching next year is FINALLY in progress and I even have a manufacturing company in Mexico. Anthropologie will carry it, as will Saks, Bloomingdales, and the HSN. I have no doubt I'll be successful. Business, Motherhood, Love, Family, Friends. I have this perfectly lovely and unique and smart, strong-willed, baby that deserves me at my best. Not crying. Not hurt. Time to just get over it. I know myself well enough to know, when I get to this point, I'm golden. When I realize when to walk away, I do it.

Feet in position, toes pointed ahead, aaaaaaaaand one foot in front of the other, I'm walking away. See me? There I go.
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Nov 12, 2010

VideoBlog #7 - Kill them with Kindness

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.~Herm Albright


I did another video blog and while the tone is fairly upbeat and optimistic, I just want to say - rather admit - that my eternal optimism is my core, but NOT because my life has been sunshine and roses. One day I will write about the things I have experienced. But I'm not there just yet. We are all exposed to something. 2 out of 3 women are sexually assaulted, some never have a chance to even speak; violence breaks out in countries that steals the innocence away from those who never saw it coming; people hurt with words; some with physical fury. But life doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't have to be so riddled with anguish. Don't assume you know what any one person has gone through. Practice empathy but don't use your "situation" to excuse you from being a poor excuse of a human being. Be reminded - realize how much suffering there is in this world. BUT also own the fact that you don't need to contribute to it. Do everything you can to make it beautiful again. 


Blog
How many times has someone been ignored or misunderstood or put down by others who didn't take the time to know them? It happens all of the time. People judging people, listening to the toxicity spewed by someone else, or making assumptions without getting the facts. I look at my child and I think, "I hope she is never made to feel bad about who she is". I hope the world she lives in is without judgment but I know that's not possible. I've certainly judged people at one point or another, and made assumptions, but I'm not proud of that nor do I make it a habit. Some people do. 

I am a writer, which, yes, I realize is pretty clear. But as a writer I have a tremendous responsibility. I also often sit back and observe as part of my "job". I have conversations and make assessments and watch body language. The fears, the insecurities, the ones who think they hold some secret power. The ones that do have power. I have watched as the world around me gets lost in self-obsession rather than striving for empathetic unity.

My life is often brimming with sunshine because when I'm having a hard day or feel a little defeated, somehow that's the exact time my 3 year-old looks at me and says, "You're the bestest mommy ever. I love you all the way to moon and the sun and around the earth and back" and I realize no one can even come close. Nothing can make my life have more meaning. Well, maybe Mr. Big can add to that. But the point is, I can't let those outside influences change the core of who I am. I'm a good and giving person. I don't put up with your crap if you give it and will not allow you to treat me disrespectfully or pretend to be my friend only to take advantage of me. I also want to mention it doesn't make you the bigger person when you berate someone and then immediately follow it up with a compliment. It doesn't work that way. In fact, when you do that it makes you an even less genuine person --- being genuine, being strong, means you have balance. I had lunch with a very strong, smart woman today and we discussed the misuse of ones strength and how often (and how crazy) a lot of people can be when they think they're strong because they can be mean. It's absurd and in the end, those are the people that, in the quiet moments, are utterly alone. I am not alone. I am loved. I have extraordinary people in my life. People I have met that are artists from around the world that have given me such joy, such courage, such encouragement; People I have crossed paths with only to see that beauty is about the soul, not the facade. Friends that I have known most of my life, some I have only known for a short while. All have taught me more than words can express. I have seen love - unconditional love - and that is empowering.

I am grateful for the exceptional people in my life; For the tremendous opportunities I have been given; For the artists that inspire me; For the life that I get to nurture and embrace every day; For the true value of integrity. So if I don't say it enough, thank you.
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Nov 3, 2010

Seek truth, endure suffering.

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”


My PDC just sent this to me. It is absolutely essential to where I am at right now. I took a few hours off of writing to be a mom and before getting back to writing tonight, wanted to re-post this (for those keeping track, I'm at 150pgs). Just remember how important and powerful choice is. It can affect love, disdain, everything. Much like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", it is possible to erase a memory or at least change your emotional reaction to a situation or a trauma. I am going the Spotless Mind route: light therapy to erase, or rather shift, a recent relationship in order to move forward. One valuable lesson I'm learning is to be very careful who you befriend or allow in your life. When you're on the road to success, people will come in and try to knock you off course. Be stronger than that, stronger than them. In the end the real friends, the really valuable people in your life will be there and when you can't always spend time together, it never changes the core of your relationship. Real is real. Period. 

While this post is more Eastern Philosophy, it applies to success, to people, to art. All of my artist friends know exactly what this means. It seems in order to be a real artist, one must endure a tremendous amount of suffering. I always remember the torment Einstein endured. The fact that Walt Disney was fired twice for "lacking creativity and imagination". People, the people who cannot fathom you will do exactly what you dream, will try and tear you down and tell you "you can't". Who cares what they say! They are miserable, unhappy people who tear you down because they 1)lack imagination, 2) are too self-absorbed to imagine you'll do what they can never achieve, 3) live in a gossip, insane bubble that allows them to "try" and judge you, put you down because they clearly haven't the gull or intellect or will to do what you are doing. Nay-sayers exist for the sole purpose to prove them wrong. They are not the exception. YOU ARE. Artists, you know who you are, remember the things others have endured and you will know you are on the right path. The more people tell you, "you can't" the more you should know, "you will".  Jealousy rears its head at every turn. Mediocrity is not the artist's "M.O." - determination, endurance, and the mere knowledge that they will - and can - achieve something miraculous is why we do what we do in the first place.

The Four Noble Truths
1. Life means suffering.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

1. Life means suffering.
To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.
There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

For more on this: http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html

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Oct 23, 2010

Important things you should always say.

post by dawn garcia | Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

After watching this VideoBlog, I would like to encourage all of you to comment and give me your 4: I'm Sorry, I Believe, I Can, I Will.

(Please spread the word and share the blogs with anyone who might enjoy...)
Things I think are important to say:

1. I'm sorry. 
  • I'm sorry I get emotional. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry that sometimes your behavior hurts me so deep I can barely breathe. Sorry I have forgotten how important really important things are. I'm sorry I have felt bad about who I am. I am sorry I allowed a lifetime of being tossed aside or feelings of neglect take on such a monstrous presence in my life. I'm sorry I get lost. I am sorry I forgot to remember that I'm imperfect and its ok. I'm sorry I didn't see the red flags and stop it before the damage was irreversible - on my side. Mostly on yours. I'm sorry I listened too much to what everyone else thought. Sorry I was verbally beaten down for being hopeful. Sorry that I forgot to hug my daughter one more time before bed. Sorry I don't like saying "no". Sorry I don't often say "no". Sorry I never got one last hug from my mom. Sorry I didn't tell that one "friend" they weren't acting much like a friend but a selfish, frigid, soulless person and sorry for not feeling better about walking away. Sorry for not being able to let love happen to me because I let too much hurt seep in from someone who knew better. Sorry I'm often wrong and too afraid to admit it. Sorry fear can be a stranglehold. Sorry you can't see the beauty in me. I'm sorry you cannot see the beauty in others. I'm sorry for not being honest about knowing I can't love you right now. Sorry because right now I have to re-learn how to love me. I'm sorry I haven't finished my screenplay. I'm sorry I wasn't a better wife. I'm sorry I wasn't a good girlfriend. I'm sorry you were a crappy boyfriend. I'm sorry you still haven't learned. I'm sorry I stole a pack of cigarettes when I was 16. I'm sorry you almost broke me. I'm sorry I miss my grandpa because he always knew how to make things seem better. I'm sorry so many people die of curable diseases. I'm sorry I cannot have any more children. I'm sorry I am always sorry. I am sorry I forgot to call back. I am sorry I forgot to say goodbye. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye. I'm sorry I broke up with you on a blog. I'm sorry you don't see that you have to "be together" to actually break up. I am sorry I have made so many poor choices. I am sorry I forgot to smell a flower today. I am sorry you won't swim naked. I am sorry you died. I am sorry you left. I am sorry I had to let you go. I am sorry I didn't let you go. 
2. I believe. 
  • I believe anything is possible. I believe the world is better than it's allowing itself to be. I believe that life is not over just because I am heartbroken. I believe in chances. I believes in instinct. I believe in the way he kisses me. I believe in the way he looks at me now. I believe in the way I love her. I believe in the way I will give everything for her to have a better life than I have had. I believe it was not my fault I was abused. I believe it was not my fault he couldn't be a better dad. I believe it is ok to admit defeat. I believe it is beautiful to be fragile. I believe it is beautiful to have hope. I believe artists will save the world from itself. I believe music will make me write better. I believe I will win at least 2 Oscars. I believe I am beautiful. I believe I am strong. I believe you are a horrible human being. I believe that if you say you are selfish and then say you feel bad about someone else's situation and are suddenly grateful for yours, you should remember that every day when you think you're better than them. I believe you should volunteer. I believe you should not gossip. I believe you should trust your friends. I believe friends should be better friends. I believe you should believe what makes you happy. I believe in god. I don't believe I should capitalize that. I believe god is not male or female but something out there that reminds us to not be careless and instead be kind. I believe god is all of us. I believe god is none of us in that it is not religion. I believe god is science. I believe god is a child's smile. I believe god is the hawk that just flew by. I believe hate is war. I believe hate is prejudice. I believe you are foolish. I believe in friendship. I believe in love. I believe love is the answer to everything. I believe in my bestie. I believe in him. I believe in you. I believe in myself. I believe you lost your way. I believe your way is not the way you're heading. I believe in truth. I believe in honesty. I believe in emotion. I don't believe in frigidity. I do not believe in hiding behind your phony smile. I believe that you are insecure. I believe I am too. I believe in freedom. I believe in independence. I believe in being smart. I believe in wanting more. I believe in change. I believe in evolution. I believe in the evolution of you.
3. I can.
  • I can smile. I can be happy. I can prevail. I can let you go. I can wear that dress. I can make you smile. I can make you laugh. I can make you cry. I can take you down. I can call you out. I can finish this screenplay. I can write. I can sing. I can remember. I can hold your hand. I can dream of you. I can do anything. I can breathe. I can meditate. I can pray. I can flip you off. I can text like a crazy woman. I can repeat the line: "she kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row". I can be sexy. I can be classy. I can kiss your ass. I can choose not to. I can complain. I can but why. I can tell you everything you're doing wrong. I can send it to you in a memo. I can also just cut you out of my life. I can cringe when I see you pretend you care. I can help you across the street. I can buy the row of men and women living on skidrow lunch. I can remember life is not Melrose Place. I can remind you of that as well. I can protest. I can speak my mind. I can protect you. I can tickle you. I can take apart a vacuum. I can laugh. I can weld. I can use a chopsaw. I can build a piece of furniture. I can paint. I can create. I can recognize sadness within myself. I can recognize sadness in you. I can read people very well. I can and I don't. I can give you a second chance. I can also tell you to walk out the door, don't turn around now, cuz you're not welcome anymore. I can sneak a peek. I can be a beautiful mess. I can high-five you. I can contemplate. I can see right through you. I can appreciate. I can trust you. I can learn from my mistakes. I can help you pick out a Halloween costume. I can be your makeup artist. I can make you feel bad. I can NOT forgive you. I also can forgive you. I can read. I can pick a great piece of art out of a museum. I can enjoy wine. I can turn you down. I can make you want me. I can make you wish you had me. I can remind you what you have is amazing. I can show you how lucky you are. I can send you to see your family. I can love my family. I can disagree with family. I can disagree with you. I can feel guilt. I can feel remorse. I can feel pain. I can cry. I can reach out to you. I can help you heal. I can build a life. I can do things differently. I can let you in. I can push you out. I can soar. I can swim naked in the ocean. I can taste the rain. I can enjoy exquisite food. I can eat a hot dog off a cart. I can appreciate the world. 
4. I will. 
  • I will move on. I will be ok. I will be a wonderful mother. I will be a wonderful wife. I will be a wonderful friend. I will disappoint you. I will hurt you. I will learn to trust you. I will learn to trust myself. I will sip wine on the coast of Positano. I will walk the streets of Europe. I will be madly in love. Forever. I will not be forgotten. I will make my words count. I will not waste my talent. I will make love to you in a crowded restaurant. I will sometimes say no. I will win those Oscars. I will win a Pulitzer. I will never forget who I've lost. I will never forget what I've lost. I will repair the damage. I will heal my heart. I will learn to understand the why. I will never let anyone hurt my baby. I will protect the ones I love. I will dance for no reason. I will scream at the top of a mountain. I will let the water touch my toes. I will let you ... I will remind you to be better. I will remind you that you are nothing. I will hold you accountable. I will hold myself accountable. I will read more. I will listen more. I will trust my gut more. I will be confident. I will win. I will lose. I will die. I will live. I will support you. I will not lie. I will lie if the fish dies - again. I will protect her innocence. I will believe in her dreams. I will believe in your dreams. I will believe in my dreams. I will live by the sea. I will make it happen. I will stop procrastinating. I will find my groove. I will --- survive. I will make references to silly disco songs. I will turn off the radio. I will discover new talent. I will grow. I will encourage. I will give her opportunity. I will not waste my own. I will submit to you. I will do so in private. I will speak my heart. I will not apologize for who I am. I will be ok with me. I will be ok with you. I will hear the meaning behind your words. I will call you a liar. I will hope you change. I will hope. I will finish. I will enjoy my sensuality. I will know who I am. I will know who you are. I will smile at a stranger. I will not let you poison the well. I will forget. I will --- will.

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