After watching this VideoBlog, I would like to encourage all of you to comment and give me your 4: I'm Sorry, I Believe, I Can, I Will.
(Please spread the word and share the blogs with anyone who might enjoy...)
Things I think are important to say:
Things I think are important to say:
1. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry I get emotional. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry that sometimes your behavior hurts me so deep I can barely breathe. Sorry I have forgotten how important really important things are. I'm sorry I have felt bad about who I am. I am sorry I allowed a lifetime of being tossed aside or feelings of neglect take on such a monstrous presence in my life. I'm sorry I get lost. I am sorry I forgot to remember that I'm imperfect and its ok. I'm sorry I didn't see the red flags and stop it before the damage was irreversible - on my side. Mostly on yours. I'm sorry I listened too much to what everyone else thought. Sorry I was verbally beaten down for being hopeful. Sorry that I forgot to hug my daughter one more time before bed. Sorry I don't like saying "no". Sorry I don't often say "no". Sorry I never got one last hug from my mom. Sorry I didn't tell that one "friend" they weren't acting much like a friend but a selfish, frigid, soulless person and sorry for not feeling better about walking away. Sorry for not being able to let love happen to me because I let too much hurt seep in from someone who knew better. Sorry I'm often wrong and too afraid to admit it. Sorry fear can be a stranglehold. Sorry you can't see the beauty in me. I'm sorry you cannot see the beauty in others. I'm sorry for not being honest about knowing I can't love you right now. Sorry because right now I have to re-learn how to love me. I'm sorry I haven't finished my screenplay. I'm sorry I wasn't a better wife. I'm sorry I wasn't a good girlfriend. I'm sorry you were a crappy boyfriend. I'm sorry you still haven't learned. I'm sorry I stole a pack of cigarettes when I was 16. I'm sorry you almost broke me. I'm sorry I miss my grandpa because he always knew how to make things seem better. I'm sorry so many people die of curable diseases. I'm sorry I cannot have any more children. I'm sorry I am always sorry. I am sorry I forgot to call back. I am sorry I forgot to say goodbye. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye. I'm sorry I broke up with you on a blog. I'm sorry you don't see that you have to "be together" to actually break up. I am sorry I have made so many poor choices. I am sorry I forgot to smell a flower today. I am sorry you won't swim naked. I am sorry you died. I am sorry you left. I am sorry I had to let you go. I am sorry I didn't let you go.
2. I believe.
- I believe anything is possible. I believe the world is better than it's allowing itself to be. I believe that life is not over just because I am heartbroken. I believe in chances. I believes in instinct. I believe in the way he kisses me. I believe in the way he looks at me now. I believe in the way I love her. I believe in the way I will give everything for her to have a better life than I have had. I believe it was not my fault I was abused. I believe it was not my fault he couldn't be a better dad. I believe it is ok to admit defeat. I believe it is beautiful to be fragile. I believe it is beautiful to have hope. I believe artists will save the world from itself. I believe music will make me write better. I believe I will win at least 2 Oscars. I believe I am beautiful. I believe I am strong. I believe you are a horrible human being. I believe that if you say you are selfish and then say you feel bad about someone else's situation and are suddenly grateful for yours, you should remember that every day when you think you're better than them. I believe you should volunteer. I believe you should not gossip. I believe you should trust your friends. I believe friends should be better friends. I believe you should believe what makes you happy. I believe in god. I don't believe I should capitalize that. I believe god is not male or female but something out there that reminds us to not be careless and instead be kind. I believe god is all of us. I believe god is none of us in that it is not religion. I believe god is science. I believe god is a child's smile. I believe god is the hawk that just flew by. I believe hate is war. I believe hate is prejudice. I believe you are foolish. I believe in friendship. I believe in love. I believe love is the answer to everything. I believe in my bestie. I believe in him. I believe in you. I believe in myself. I believe you lost your way. I believe your way is not the way you're heading. I believe in truth. I believe in honesty. I believe in emotion. I don't believe in frigidity. I do not believe in hiding behind your phony smile. I believe that you are insecure. I believe I am too. I believe in freedom. I believe in independence. I believe in being smart. I believe in wanting more. I believe in change. I believe in evolution. I believe in the evolution of you.
3. I can.
- I can smile. I can be happy. I can prevail. I can let you go. I can wear that dress. I can make you smile. I can make you laugh. I can make you cry. I can take you down. I can call you out. I can finish this screenplay. I can write. I can sing. I can remember. I can hold your hand. I can dream of you. I can do anything. I can breathe. I can meditate. I can pray. I can flip you off. I can text like a crazy woman. I can repeat the line: "she kisses like a nymphomaniac on death row". I can be sexy. I can be classy. I can kiss your ass. I can choose not to. I can complain. I can but why. I can tell you everything you're doing wrong. I can send it to you in a memo. I can also just cut you out of my life. I can cringe when I see you pretend you care. I can help you across the street. I can buy the row of men and women living on skidrow lunch. I can remember life is not Melrose Place. I can remind you of that as well. I can protest. I can speak my mind. I can protect you. I can tickle you. I can take apart a vacuum. I can laugh. I can weld. I can use a chopsaw. I can build a piece of furniture. I can paint. I can create. I can recognize sadness within myself. I can recognize sadness in you. I can read people very well. I can and I don't. I can give you a second chance. I can also tell you to walk out the door, don't turn around now, cuz you're not welcome anymore. I can sneak a peek. I can be a beautiful mess. I can high-five you. I can contemplate. I can see right through you. I can appreciate. I can trust you. I can learn from my mistakes. I can help you pick out a Halloween costume. I can be your makeup artist. I can make you feel bad. I can NOT forgive you. I also can forgive you. I can read. I can pick a great piece of art out of a museum. I can enjoy wine. I can turn you down. I can make you want me. I can make you wish you had me. I can remind you what you have is amazing. I can show you how lucky you are. I can send you to see your family. I can love my family. I can disagree with family. I can disagree with you. I can feel guilt. I can feel remorse. I can feel pain. I can cry. I can reach out to you. I can help you heal. I can build a life. I can do things differently. I can let you in. I can push you out. I can soar. I can swim naked in the ocean. I can taste the rain. I can enjoy exquisite food. I can eat a hot dog off a cart. I can appreciate the world.
4. I will.
- I will move on. I will be ok. I will be a wonderful mother. I will be a wonderful wife. I will be a wonderful friend. I will disappoint you. I will hurt you. I will learn to trust you. I will learn to trust myself. I will sip wine on the coast of Positano. I will walk the streets of Europe. I will be madly in love. Forever. I will not be forgotten. I will make my words count. I will not waste my talent. I will make love to you in a crowded restaurant. I will sometimes say no. I will win those Oscars. I will win a Pulitzer. I will never forget who I've lost. I will never forget what I've lost. I will repair the damage. I will heal my heart. I will learn to understand the why. I will never let anyone hurt my baby. I will protect the ones I love. I will dance for no reason. I will scream at the top of a mountain. I will let the water touch my toes. I will let you ... I will remind you to be better. I will remind you that you are nothing. I will hold you accountable. I will hold myself accountable. I will read more. I will listen more. I will trust my gut more. I will be confident. I will win. I will lose. I will die. I will live. I will support you. I will not lie. I will lie if the fish dies - again. I will protect her innocence. I will believe in her dreams. I will believe in your dreams. I will believe in my dreams. I will live by the sea. I will make it happen. I will stop procrastinating. I will find my groove. I will --- survive. I will make references to silly disco songs. I will turn off the radio. I will discover new talent. I will grow. I will encourage. I will give her opportunity. I will not waste my own. I will submit to you. I will do so in private. I will speak my heart. I will not apologize for who I am. I will be ok with me. I will be ok with you. I will hear the meaning behind your words. I will call you a liar. I will hope you change. I will hope. I will finish. I will enjoy my sensuality. I will know who I am. I will know who you are. I will smile at a stranger. I will not let you poison the well. I will forget. I will --- will.
