“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is the way great spiritual giants are produced.” - Swami Vivekananda

Sometimes people look at mom's who have that "holy hell, get me a drink and get me one fast" look and think those moms are crazy. Mind you they didn't just have the swinging roller coaster of emotion that you just did as you're 3 year-old "tween-in-training" gives you kisses and hugs you and tells you how much she loves you only to turn into the closest thing related to the exorcist because you said "no" and she kicks and screams and tells you you're a horrible mom, mean, and wishes you would just disappear forever. Forever! How. dare. you. The truth is, we wonder what's going on too, but then after the enormous and strangely hysterical tantrum our child just threw, we want to hug and squeeze them (and yes, sometimes imagine we were Samantha from "Bewitched" so we could just freeze time, drink a bottle of wine, do a yoga routine to center our "inner self", and get in a two-hour nap).
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“Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”

Nothing in life seems more soaring and more painful than love. The very emotion that cannot be explained away by science or religion is the one emotion that gives all of us that insatiable appetite to feel it. It is the reason we breathe and hope and dream and the thing that can also tear us down and break us. I've been in love, I have loved, I do love, I have been traumatized by love, I have been rejuvenated by love. I have been tormented by loved and saved by love. I have experienced love not merely romantic, but parental, innate, encouraging... I thought I knew what love really was until I became a mother. All of a sudden love takes a turn. It becomes raw and fragile, hopeful and enslaving. It makes you go so deep inside of yourself and it cannot be contained. I see my child and I see love. Pure, whole, untainted, unbiased, and beautiful. 

And then I think of that "other half" love. The kind I once believed in. The kind I thought could break through any wall and I realized I'm wrong. It may exist but perhaps I've been too battered to even allow it. Maybe the truth is I will go through life alone - not without love but without a mate. A partner. I will not place that burden on anyone. Perhaps I ask too much. Perhaps I am unwilling to see that maybe I am so strong and expect so much, love is not possible. I know everyone carries a burden but really? Why does this have to be mine? Why so much suffering? I just can't understand.

success without a person to share it with is like a face without a smile

“The most essential factor is persistence - the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.”

the ultimate life lived is one where you can gray and weather and look back at the love you've given, the love you've shared, the people who have given you purpose. standing idle as time passes is not an option. opening your eyes and embracing everything is when that cadence of your heart begins to move again and somehow, in the melodic throws of possibility, we begin to live.  we can linger in moments of regret and dwell in the pools of disappointment or we can swim towards the glowing ocean of dreams and the continued realm of encouragement and belief in ourselves. to grow old knowing we have given love purely, we have fostered and nurtured the beauty and innocence of our children, we have lived each day moving towards a dream - that is when we can breathe. 

when I am old and my life is near its end (if I am able to live long enough to grow old) I want to look at my daughter and see the love we have shared. I want to know that I spent every moment of my life exploring the potential of goodness and beauty and that somehow I armed her with enough knowledge and faith in the impossible that she will be truly happy. that when I see her eyes I see hope and strength and know that her life is going to be rich with incredible joy and laughter, success and integrity, but above all - love. because at the end of the day what good are we if we do not love. love our children, love our friends, love our families, love another soul that might meet yours. 

life is far too unknown, in my opinion, to spend countless hours and days and years searching for what might happen when it's over. I'd much rather relish in what is and embrace every single opportunity, smile every chance I get, ignite passion, see cultures through untainted eyes, speak freely, accept others in this world who have truly beautiful hearts regardless of who they love or what they believe.