I listened to this song "Jar of Hearts" and then "Love the Way you Lie" and I can feel that my heart is in such a strange place these days. On the fence of my future and the hurt from a recent past. I know we all make mistakes - we all get hurt but you can't be careless with someone's heart. Once that happens, we lose a part of ourselves. You hurt someone and you break off a piece of yourself. People have been careless with my heart and I hurt. I may have been careless with others' hearts and for that, god my insides ache. I am so sorry. My heart is healing from the painstaking truths of the past. I cry and I am defensive and I worry about so many things. Not always romantic hurt, sometimes just that kind of hurt that is so deep - family, "friends", careers ... Every relationship we have should be treated with delicacy and care. We can't just walk around disposing of one another like the well is so full of options. You can beat someone down with words or neglect. You don't have to physically ever pick up your hand --- sometimes the damage you leave behind by not loving someone the way they should be loved is worse. The scars cut so deep that the heart physically bleeds from the weathered storm and the shards of misunderstanding. I can't fathom not being hurt or having loss because it opens up my heart almost as much as it forces me to protect myself. I am who I am. I am good and I am strong and I never deserved the harsh hand of haste. And now, sunshine and beauty is in front of me and I cower. I find so much fear paralyzing me and all I have to say is the heart has to heal. No one can break me again. No one can lie to me again. No one can take away that beautiful trust and hope I have running through my veins like oxygen. I want to figure it all out but my heart - the actual heart - it swells with possibility and weighing it down with regret and sadness only forces it to lose its purpose.
I know we're all a little lost these days. It seems perfection is within reach, always something better or more beautiful but your eyes have to be open. You can't expect perfection if you aren't perfect yourself. You have to evaluate your mistakes to find life again. We all do. Last night I got to this point - this pivotal moment where emotion came over me. Anger. Hurt. Fear. I was horrified at the things I'd experienced, the death I've seen, the sickness I've seen engulf those I love. I've seen murder and pain and injustice. I have been held and loved and then thrown into a hypothetical fire of disdain and neglect BUT --- I have been given all of that because somehow life, the Universe, god, whatever - thought I had to. Because I am strong and it won't break me. It won't take away my value and it will propel me forward. Thrust me into goodness and success and life and love because that's the only place I know to seek refuge. I have seen ugly. I have seen abuse. I have seen neglect. I have seen heartache. I do not respond in kind. I respond with strength and hope. Do not be careless with each other, people. Do not see "Strange" when its beauty standing before you. Do not close your arms when all that's needed is the simple warmth of your embrace. Do not ignore art - it is saying something. Do not ignore the simple gesture of your children because one day that will be all you think of to get you through a rough day. We have everything at our disposal. People shouldn't be one of those.
I have seen it happen. I have been on the receiving end. I have been totally looked past and that is hollowing. It takes parts of you away - lost in the galaxy somewhere waiting to be claimed. I see my guy friends dating. Going through women like it's a new pair of shoes. I see my girlfriends going out with guys. Playing stupid games and giving every bit of themselves away. We're all afraid. We're all afraid to be alone but isn't it worse to be ignored? To be misused and mistreated or worse, be the one mistreating or neglecting or being cruel. Don't think for a second karma isn't going to find you. Somehow, someway the hurt and pain and carelessness you inflict - it's going to cost you something extraordinary. Don't let it. Don't be that person. Please stop collecting jars of hearts...
(Scroll all the way down for a video of "Love the Way you Lie" performed by two incredibly talented kids...)
(Scroll all the way down for a video of "Love the Way you Lie" performed by two incredibly talented kids...)
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Please go find the lyrics to this song. Here is a link for now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z72c3F2td5E
