I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing. My chest literally hurt from the heartache. I dreamt of my mom and everyone I loved and in a minute, they were all so cruel. I realized all I had to forgive and all that was actually nightmare even though it seemed real and in a moment I knew my life was never going to be the same without my mom. It isn't anything that can be remedied, much like my unnatural familiarity with death. Death is horrible. I've seen it so much. I've lost too many. Family, friends, heart. We continue to live this life so incredibly consumed with our own selfish desires and rarely stop to think about what it is we're actually doing here. We all know someone that left us. Someone that when they left, left a huge vacant hole inside of us. We see people from our past, like on Facebook, and see that some haven't grown up, some haven't moved past their juvenile bullshit and then on the other hand you see the true beauty of others. The way we want to be brought together. The insatiable appetite for good. For kindness. For a tangible connection to humankind.
With every person that comes across your path, don't assume you know them or can measure them up in less a minute. We are all connected in some way and taking a moment to stop being callous or careless and be thoughtful and precise instead will only help you. I miss my mother more than I care to imagine and in last night's dream what I realized is my issue of abandonment. Friends and family that have left me too soon. And then somehow it hit me: they didn't just leave me. They left everyone. How haunting that can be but maybe, just maybe, they left so you could have a better shot at life so --- don't fuck it up. Don't waste another second doing something mindless or without purpose. Make your life matter. Love bigger and more purely than you ever have. Give your children the benefit of the doubt and protect them. Love them, allow them to be whoever they are and do not judge them. Follow your dreams. Travel the world. Drop your prejudice. Swallow your pride. Get over yourself and start seeing life from someone else's perspective. In other words, let's stop this perpetual cycle of self involvement and open our eyes...
