As a writer, the distinction between when to open up the floodgates and say how you feel and the rootless fear of thinking it's better to hold back is absolutely and utterly exhausting. Everyone has challenges, right? Some reach their limits early on, others later in life. I feel I have been continually challenged to give up since I was maybe 4. But something inside of me wouldn't let me give up. Couldn't let go of hope, couldn't get caught up in the tragedies surrounding me, couldn't give power to the pain within. I trusted and I hoped and I wrote and created, smiled, and pushed through it all. But sometimes --- at least now, I feel like my cup runneth over. My emotional boundary has been breached and somehow along the lines, I fear I've lost some of that hope. Don't get me wrong, I'm not speaking in terms of responsibility or the love of my baby girl or even the promise of my career paths. I mean in terms of that sad little thing called love. You see, I'm a dreamer. I've had my fair share of wonderful people and had some not-so-great ones. I married and then divorced and trust me folks, that part is devastating in so many ways. It changes you. It doesn't even matter how "reasonable" the divorce seems, it takes something from you. At least from me. I feel as if I lost myself in the process. As if I found some vacant, shadow-filled corner and I stayed there hoping the reality would go away but it didn't and I ended up divorced. That part is just - strange. But as a single mother, I find that I don't get the luxury of going out or doing things to take my mind off of my situation. I thought I had found love again only to be taught a very painful lesson. Time is necessary. And I'm okay with that, but sometimes it's hard to think about always doing it alone. The road I've traveled is unique to me but surely someone has had a much more difficult run. But just like tonight's episode of "Glee" I have to believe I am beautiful and no matter what words have been propelled at me out of anger or hurt or malice, I cannot lose faith in myself. I cannot lose faith in that because someone else depends on me to show her that no matter what, she is beautiful too.
Be empowered because as painful as words are, as shattering as they seem, as scarring as they can be --- don't let your words be harsh. Don't let them tear someone else down. It will only tear you down. Trust me on that. This isn't about woman or man. This is about knowing that no matter what happens to you, you are not the victim, you are the victor. You survived. You can learn and you can be a better person. You have to make yourself believe your insecurities will not be your demise. You cannot allow the tragic inability of another be the downfall of yourself. You have to prevail. You have to do better and you can't quit until you do. I have to try and I have to believe you will too... I may be sad now but in a few minutes I will go to bed and peek in on my baby girl sound asleep and I will be reminded that nothing in this world matters as much as she does. No matter what pain I'm fighting I will never let it take me over. I will always fight to believe I can survive and as long as I give this world something beautiful and remind all of you to live, love, and let go of all of the past pain that haunts you, we can all do something of value. I may not foresee love or a life partner in my future but I see possibility of joy and love and success and right now as long as I can see that in my daughter, I can teach myself to breathe again.
Lyrics
Spoken:
Don't look at me
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, I saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times
'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Don't look at me
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, I saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times
'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
