random spout

You know that song by Dee-Lite "Groove is in the Heart" (ayayayayay)? It's a strange little song. One that always a) prompts me to dance like no one's watching, and b) think on the whole retro gear of the band. It's interesting when you think about individual style. What are people trying to say? That they don't care? That they're sexy? That they're confident? That they have money? That they're better than you? That they don't know what they're up against in life? I often think that as much as some refuse to see the thought behind it, there's a reason for every single image. Maybe that's why mine changes all the time. I'm such a rule breaker. I like keeping myself on my toes: what will I wear today? What mood am I in. Am I Bohemian chic or tired or fashionable or unique or retro or vintage or classy or - sexy? Either way, it certainly does prompt a plethora of questions. I say all of this because this morning I went to Starbucks. Allow me to add, I did so reluctantly because I stopped drinking coffee for the most part but - I needed a cup. My - ready for it? - Tall half caf skinny hazelnut latte. Yep, I'm THAT girl. The one that orders the "special" drink but I'm with Sally (When Harry Met Sally for those scratching your heads), you like it the way you like it. Anyway, while I was sitting there I saw this boy. Well, man - maybe. He was lovely and reminded me of Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray. He was the character in my head. Needless to say I sat down and began to write. It's a little disjointed but it's been a while since I've done that. I thought I'd share it with you. It's been a tragically long time since I sat in a coffee ship and wrote. Listening as the Supremes remind of my youth - well, my mom's youth but it was integrated into mine. Reminding me of when my mother and I would sing and dance and for a moment, feel free. We could forget the pain, the frustration, the sheer uncertainty of the life surrounding us. And today - I'm here. I'm here for a little forgetting. I need to forget the insanity that awaits me at home. Starting over in life signifies a plethora of events. A friend lying in a hospital bed at this very moment while chemo gets pumped through his veins for endless hours, the fear that this voice inside of me telling me to hold back may be real or it may just be fear. Fear. A truly fucked up emotion that haunts and taunts and penetrates the soul like a rusty blade - dirty, intentional, brutal, and without remorse. How is it we open that door? In this room - this very strange and quite isolated world - exists individuals. All have a story; a personality, their own torment, their insecurities, blatant ignorance, loneliness, isolation. I don't only see the bad. I can see the cotton candy innocence lurking behind a smile but the truth is, we are all masking something. Young, old, somewhere in the middle. And the one thing we all have in common: we're all chasing after something. "WHAT" is perhaps the more endearing question. This gentleman to my left (in my mind) is working on spreadsheets and trying to figure out some gnawing stock portfolio. Another, he's living his dream. Hiding behind his sunglasses while he observes the room and maybe - writes a song? The other, a dreamy man with books the size of War and Peace. He sits in a tweed-like sweater with patches on the elbows, tight black jeans, sunglasses nestled on his button shirt, sipping his coffee and it is like I'm back in Ireland with my British mate and all that's missing is that glorious body of water. God he is so Dorian Gray. Is this my moment? Is it time to get back to it? I'm thinking it just might be. That world; that intoxicating world of lust and greed and intellect and power and art and beauty and lies and poison ... It is a world extraordinary to me. My beautiful, and beautifully gay, Dorian Gray. Sitting and reading the entire works of William Shakespeare. An English major. How truly fitting. Tall, blue green eyes, skin ragged and full of story. His stride is just as the Dorian Gray in my head. Yes it is time to put my pen back to the story. _______________________________ For those of you unfamiliar with Oscar Wilde's only completed and published novel, go read "The Picture of Dorian Gray". It is a twisted tale but one that is all too familiar. It precedes time and race and class and government and only allows you to look into the deepest and most formidable parts of your soul. So that's it. That's what I wrote. It encouraged the sleeping beast inside to wake and write and rediscover its voice. All too often we hide behind an "image". We forget that life is still living all around us. Nothing stops. Time will not stop for any of us. We must explore who we are and begin to unravel. If we don't, we can't possibly move forward to discover an even better self. So while we contemplate life's cruelties, you must also find a way to replenish the sight in which you use to navigate through. Life is honestly filled with beauty and purpose but if we're blind or consumed, we will miss so much. Life is the only certain thing we have. Don't miss living it. (If you're a fan of reading - please click the "Subscribe" button)