“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”
A luxury I have is that no matter how many times I find those tears pouring out of me, or how many times I want to stop dreaming and hoping, my heart won't allow it. It is so much stronger than I am. As I was recently informed by a doctor, I am great at survival. I am resilient. I can claw my way back to the dreams, the hope, the possibility and never let go of the purity of who I really am. I'm not an angry person, I'm not someone that doesn't take things personally but I am someone who's learning what is worth fighting for and what is absolutely crucial to let go of.
I continue to learn about the things that happen in this world. Some that directly affect me like the people who come in and out of our lives only to quickly show you whether or not they are real or merely trying to "get something" from you. Met plenty of those people. So I always reassess. If they don't stick with you when you actually need them, they don't belong in your circle. They belong in the outer circle of "those you know", not "those you trust". It's a harsh lesson and one we will always be learning.
On the other hand, I also learned about how awful human beings are. Today I learned about Portland. The number one city in the United States for sexual slavery. Of course, Oceanside is in the top three of child prostitution rings in the US which is appalling. Look at Thailand? Japan? Countries that exploit children. Where are their dreams? So while we sit in our comfy homes, typing on our nice computers, searching the web, taking more and more people off of that "people I can truly value" list, somewhere, someone is gasping for air, freezing, fighting off disease, running for their lives, being robbed of their innocence, dodging stray bullets... Let's not be so self-entitled,deal? I don't care how nice your car is or how big your company is or how fat your bank account is or how many people you can entertain. Just be a great person! Don't run away every time something doesn't go your way. Buck the f**k up. So sure, I bitched about my heartache and being pissed at someone for pulling the wool over my eyes and yeah, it caused me to cry. But you know what? No one died. I didn't suffer another tragedy. No amount of "heartache" from this person or most anyone will ever compare to what could be happening. I have seen loss. I have seen real tragedy. I have seen the hands of hate, so losing at "love" may suck but it's not life threatening. I have choice. The choice to sit here and write in the first place. The freedom to express how I feel, good or bad, perfectly organized or imperfectly chaotic. I have a voice. Somewhere, some one has never even heard their own.
So please, be bold. Dream. Do something that matters. Be nice to someone. Apologize for the harm you've done. Don't close your eyes to an injustice. Accept who you are and then strive to be better. It's not easy but you know what is even less easy? Wondering if today is the day your family gets massacred in the middle of a civil war breaking out in your village. Or dying from a curable disease like Malaria. Imagine if you had to wonder if you would find rice or water, not how far away In N Out is off of the freeway. We are such a pathetic people. So caught up in our drama, including me. I let it all go. Why? Because who gives a sh*t if my heart was broken? I've got love and a home and food and good people that stand beside me in life and never walk away. I know the voice within me and I'm using it to help people. I have a mouth to feed aside from my own. That, people, THAT is actually worth fighting for. Hope. HOPE is something worth embracing because HOPE is a universal dream. Culture, economy, geography - have nothing to do with it. Hope is alive and well and we need to do a better job of bringing it to life within ourselves and, in turn, offer it to others. Hope is worth the sacrifice...
