Some may see a tangled mess, I see utter possibility...
Some say that life isn't really all that its cracked up to be. I say, I'm grateful for that. If life was what our idea of it is supposed to be, we'd never be challenged to become incredible human beings. I'd never have been challenged to reach further than the limitations everyone, or most everyone, attempts to place on me. I would never have had the courage to go through with my divorce or the truth to know I can give my daughter the world as long as I always love her and accept her for who she is. I never would have seen the faults of my parents or the brevity it took for them to part and make countless mistakes only to show me that no matter what, they really loved me. I wouldn't have the heart to miss my mom so damn much or have that little pang in my heart when I think of how many people I knew or loved that have died. I would never have the mindset to see friends drowning in their own sorrow and self-pity or the strength to know I cannot hang on too tightly for fear they pull me in. If I listened to the words of those who thrive on others' failures I would never have been able to see that I can reach even further than the stars because I believe in myself. I have so many strange twists and turns behind me and I'm sure hundreds in front of me but in an unconventional life, I have finally learned to love the twists and turns. I have family that I never would have had if everyone did what was expected. A sister I could not breathe without if my mother would have terminated the pregnancy, another sister that doesn't even realize that I love her more than I can possibly express, a family that I always speak up to but somehow, they still love me even when I know they don't understand much of who I am - and it doesn't matter.
Some say that life isn't really all that its cracked up to be. I say, I'm grateful for that. If life was what our idea of it is supposed to be, we'd never be challenged to become incredible human beings. I'd never have been challenged to reach further than the limitations everyone, or most everyone, attempts to place on me. I would never have had the courage to go through with my divorce or the truth to know I can give my daughter the world as long as I always love her and accept her for who she is. I never would have seen the faults of my parents or the brevity it took for them to part and make countless mistakes only to show me that no matter what, they really loved me. I wouldn't have the heart to miss my mom so damn much or have that little pang in my heart when I think of how many people I knew or loved that have died. I would never have the mindset to see friends drowning in their own sorrow and self-pity or the strength to know I cannot hang on too tightly for fear they pull me in. If I listened to the words of those who thrive on others' failures I would never have been able to see that I can reach even further than the stars because I believe in myself. I have so many strange twists and turns behind me and I'm sure hundreds in front of me but in an unconventional life, I have finally learned to love the twists and turns. I have family that I never would have had if everyone did what was expected. A sister I could not breathe without if my mother would have terminated the pregnancy, another sister that doesn't even realize that I love her more than I can possibly express, a family that I always speak up to but somehow, they still love me even when I know they don't understand much of who I am - and it doesn't matter.
At this moment, god knows there are millions of people who think less of me because I'm divorced and I really don't mind. Because in all of it, I finally found myself again and thank god I had 5 years of marriage to learn a little humility and love and have such a wonderful and amazingly loving little girl! I somehow managed to maintain the one thread of my relationship that mattered most, not just my daughter, but friendship and my little girl will always benefit from that. Civility cannot be underestimated. And in the midst of a societal disappointment, I discovered a friend - a friend I always admired and now have fallen in love with. Totally unconventional and certainly not what I ever expected but had I listened to the ways "everyone' thought was the way I should live my life, god - I'd never had materialized into the woman I am now. And I never would have seen him. So what, I have countless failures but on the other hand, I have a huge heart and a beautiful child that is the first person in my life to really prove to me that I am here for a very specific purpose. I have failed in relationships and marriage but if I hadn't, I know myself - I have to experience everything before making up my mind on what it is I really want. People can shout at me or even show me the future and out of sheer curiosity and the mere fact that I have to be certain for myself, I'd still take that path no matter how tragic it seemed. (Perhaps there are exceptions to this, I can't lie) But I had to fail so that this time, this time - I wouldn't.
