It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. To walk away from a life that, on the surface, seemed quaint and easy. But what they didn't know is the nights you spent quiet and crying in the bathroom, lying on the floor, arms wrapped around your knees, begging for something to change. Hoping so much for love and freedom that it was almost like a disease had taken over your flesh and your heart and your ability to dream. It takes a lot of courage. To see the hurt in your own eyes, to imagine the hurt in the eyes of your children. To make such a drastic choice because to live a lie trapped in a world that feels unbearable isn't possible a second more. That - is - courage. I will never underestimate the heartache you endured to be free.
Every single second of my life I will fight to have mine. I will fight for love and warmth and the belief that anything is possible. I will fight through the pain and disappointment and triumph in the face of failure because what the hell is this all for were I to cower and relent? It doesn't make me strong, it makes me real. I watched so many things happen in my life and I saw suffering and hurt and I cannot ever live that life myself nor will I ever expose that kind of life to my child. It isn't okay to play the victim. We're all victims of some sort. Be braver than that and don't let the things of the past dictate who you become. Every single person has the ability to overcome. But if you buy into the crap you're fed, you can't see past it. Close your ears when negativity rolls in. Remember that when doubt penetrates your spirit, it is only fear that gives it ammunition. It's really extraordinary what happens when you take a look back at your own past and see the things you had to overcome to get here. I know no one - no one - would ever even imagine. And yet all of it would be true. We are nothing in this life without love. Absolutely nothing. If we cannot give it and receive it, we will never be alive.
It's not easy writing this or exposing such raw parts of oneself but some writers, some artists - we have to because somewhere inside we know there is at least one person out there who needs to know they aren't alone. Whoever you are, don't ever stop believing in the unbelievable. Life is full of twists and turns and the one constant is love. It seems silly and almost juvenile but it is the only thread that holds any of us together ... don't lose faith in that basic element of who we are. It is our core and the purpose of our existence.
