We're human. By definition that means we screw up. It also means we're emotional creatures. We crave love and desire and though some may do everything to turn that part of themselves off, it's still there looming in the shadows. It's difficult to live out every day with hurt pecking at your insides and yet in the midst of our longing and pain, the truth is, something that may have faded away was never meant to stay. Not for long. It seems that we beg for something. We hope for something. We ache for something. For someone. Hiding from our past or scurrying from our future to hang on to a few moments that were more in our minds than in reality, is, infinitely foolish. And yet. I am human. I hurt. I ache. I recover. I trust. I digress. I fear. I fade. I hide. I soar. I dream. I have come to learn that what is truly reckless is believing in something not because it is worth the faith but rather believing in something because we need to believe -in- something. The heart is a powerful muscle. It often dictates all of our actions. We ignore the throbbing knock of our conscience and rather indulge in our hearts. Why? Simply because it soothes us or validates us or allows us to dwell. I think this time, I'm going to learn to listen to the knocking and pay attention to the burn that swells in that big red machine I often refer to as my lifeline... What do I need? I need to be freed. I need to create and inspire and I need to believe that my choices are the only ones that I am responsible for. I cannot continually invite in havoc or suffering in the name of art. I find that joy and belief in the one thing I should believe in is what matters most. What is that "one thing"? Faith in myself. Think I'm going to try that on for a while and see how it fits. In the interim I will let the words pour from me and let nothing stop them. And perhaps I will - cry - for ... you.
