So it's late and I'm exhausted and I am texting and thinking and typing and IM'ing. No wonder my teeth hurt and my head feels like it's going to explode! Stress is a bitch. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Seriously. You know when you're young and the "old" people tell you to enjoy your youth because before you know it you will be bogged down with responsibility and stress and well, fun will be a lot harder to attain? And we all, at least I sure as hell did, reply with a "whatever. Ok, thanks for the advice" as you roll your eyes and think, "you're just old and don't even know what fun is. When I'm your age, I'll still be a badass". And you think that because you have no idea that the people who are in their 30's (you know, what you once considered ancient) who pretend they're still badasses are actually and quite literally, kind of sad. And the cool people you once looked up to suddenly don't seem so cool. The ones that actually did something with their lives seem to be way more impressive.
Don't get me wrong, I've taken so many wrong turns if there was a sign for it it would read "want to learn everything the hard way? Take this road." It's just I am finally learning and damn is the lesson a tough one to swallow. While some take their marriage vows to their graves and some are actually happily married, me - not so much. Divorce is hideous though so don't let me make light of it in any way other than to say eventually, I know I will have my freedom. Well, as free as one can be when your entire view of the world changes. I work hard, started two brand new ventures, am going to be raising my kind, loving, beautiful little babe on my own AND have to fend for myself for the first time in years. I gave up my dream 8 years ago. Well, maybe not 8 but certainly 7. People, word of advice, don't give up on the things that make you happiest. Listen to the voice inside because if it's really "love" then everything will fall into place and maybe you can save yourself from getting here. Again, don't get me wrong, my greatest gift in this world and any other is that I have my baby. So while this part of my life may be like a massive mindf--k, I'll get over it and be happy because when I see the little face looking back at me I'll remember who this is all for.
